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**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 14-09-14 13:55

Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 14-09-14 13:55

Hoihoi,

Allereerst voor de modjes, voordat ik weer in een discussie raak en na mijn inleverdatum blijkt dat het wel mocht, dit is geen huiswerktopic. Het is de bedoeling dat de brieven gecorrigeerd worden door een ander.

Ik heb op dit moment 2 brieven te schrijven. 1 is af, de ander zal later nog volgen. Zouden jullie er naar willen kijken en willen corrigeren daar waar nodig? Dus grammaticaal, zinsopbouw, woordkeuze etc etc.

Dear Jonah,

Last time we spoke to each other was a month ago. How are you? I'm fine.

Yesterday, I saw a interesting talk by Matt Cutts. I think it's very interesting and it could change your lifestyle, so I like to share this video with you. The reason I watched this talk is because I thought that it might be a good talk for you. Your dog died a month ago, so maybe you should watch this talk so you can adapt and enjoy life again. I want to try this too, but I don't know how to tackle this.

This video is going to change my life. If you wonder 'how?', I can give my experience after I saw this talk. This talk inspired me to do this too and start to enjoy things in life. The most important thing of all, do what you can do in 30 days. You can wait until the moment comes, but you can also say to yourself 'let's do it!'. I think that is a important message he tells us. I want to make a to-do list and want to try all of those things from the list. Hopefully does it work and can I do what I always wanted to do.

What is your opinion about the talk? Do you have already plans for the challenge? I do have. For example I want to help kids in Africa for a week. Do you like this plan? Maybe we can do that together. Other things you can do, is cleaning your street from plastics etcetera. Or help a disabled person for one day.

I like to hear something from you soon.

Yours,
Nayomie

Dit gaat om een informele brief

Groetjes

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 14:01

Re: Correctie engels

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 14:01

Ziet er goed uit hoor

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 14:04

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 14:04

Inderdaad erg netjes. +:)+

Paar kleine puntjes. Ik kijk erg raar tegen 'talk' aan. Wat bedoel je hiermee? Zou je er misschien ook een ander woord voor kunnen gebruiken?

Verder klinkt mij: "I would like to share this video with you." iets beter in de oren.
Daarnaast is de correcte 'word order' voor de zin: Do you have already plans for the challenge? -> Do you already have plans for the challenge? Verder moet er misschien nog iets met 'have got' maar daar kan ik je niet mee helpen want dat doe ik ook altijd op gevoel en ik twijfel nu.
En als je een bevestiging gebruikt mag je gewoon "I do" doen zonder infinitief van het andere werkwoord (in dit geval to have).

**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 14-09-14 14:09

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 14-09-14 14:09

Thanks voor de verbeterpuntjes!

Zal het in versie 2 aanpassen. Welke zin bedoel je met je laatste zin?

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 14:10

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 14:10

Nayomie schreef:
What is your opinion about the talk? Do you have already plans for the challenge? I do have. For example I want to help kids in Africa for a week. Do you like this plan? Maybe we can do that together. Other things you can do, is cleaning your street from plastics etcetera. Or help a disabled person for one day.

Deze!

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 14:12

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 14:12

Aangezien het, neem ik aan, ook de bedoeling is dat je ervan leert, zal ik de fouten voor je markeren.
Schrijffouten en suggesties zijn schuingedrukt en onderstreept. Succes!

Nayomie schreef:
Hoihoi,

Allereerst voor de modjes, voordat ik weer in een discussie raak en na mijn inleverdatum blijkt dat het wel mocht, dit is geen huiswerktopic. Het is de bedoeling dat de brieven gecorrigeerd worden door een ander.

Ik heb op dit moment 2 brieven te schrijven. 1 is af, de ander zal later nog volgen. Zouden jullie er naar willen kijken en willen corrigeren daar waar nodig? Dus grammaticaal, zinsopbouw, woordkeuze etc etc.

Dear Jonah,

Last time we spoke to each other was a month ago. How are you? I'm fine.

Yesterday, I saw a interesting talk by Matt Cutts. I think it's very interesting and it could change your lifestyle, so I like to share this video with you. The reason I watched this talk is because I thought that it might be a good talk for you. Your dog died a month ago, so maybe you should watch this talk so you can adapt and enjoy life again. I want to try this too, but I don't know how to tackle this.
Do you mean change your lifestyle, or change your life? Different things...Also don't repeat the word 'interesting' you already said it was interesting once, that is more than enough.

This video is going to change my life. If you wonder 'how?', I can give my experience after I saw this talk. So did you see the video already, or not? First you say 'is going to change' an then you write 'after I saw', it can't both be true...This talk inspired me to do this to do what?? 'This' is supposed to refer to something too and start to enjoy things in life. The most important thing of all, do what you can do in 30 days. You can wait until the moment comes, but you can also say to yourself 'let's do it!'. I think that is a important message he tells us. I want to make a to-do list and want to try all of those things from the list. Hopefully does it work and can I do what I always wanted to do.

What is your opinion about the talk? Do you have already plans for the challenge? I do have. For example I want to help kids in Africa for a week. Do you like this plan? Maybe we can do that together. Other things you can do, is (tip, 'things' is plural, 'is' is singular) cleaning your street from plastics etcetera. Or help a disabled person for one day.

I like to hear something from you soon.
Use 'I would like', because this sounds to much like an order...The English are always very polite, even in an informal conversation.

Yours,
Nayomie

Dit gaat om een informele brief

Groetjes

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 14:26

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 14:26

Je zinnen zijn voor het engels erg lang. Ik zou proberen ze wat korter te maken. Je eerste zin bijv zou ik veranderen naar "Last time we spoke was about a month ago", dat "to each other" is niet nodig, het is logisch dat jullie met elkaar gesproken hebben dus dat hoeft er niet bij

De twee zinnen erna kunnen eigenlijk samengevoegd worden en daar zou ik het volgende van maken "I thought the talk was very interesting and for this reason I would like to share it with you". De zin over de hond snap ik niet helemaal die zou ik proberen wat duidelijker te maken. 0000 heeft al goede tips gegeven voor de rest van de brief. De zin "I like to hear something from you soon" is too demanding, daar zou je bijv kunnen zetten "I look forward to hearing from you". Succes!

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 14:27

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 14:27

'talk' is gewoon correct hoor, niets aan veranderen

Dear Jonah,

Last time we spoke to each other was a month ago. How are you? I'm fine. (Dat weet hij vast zelf ook wel toch?

Klinkt een beetje raar, kortaf. Als iemand mij een brief met deze intro zou sturen zou ik denken dat hij of zij boos op me was

)

Yesterday, I saw an interesting talk by Matt Cutts. I think it's very interesting (2x interesting) and it could change your lifestyle, so I'd like to share this video with you. The reason I watched this talk is because I thought that it might be a good talk for you. Your dog died a month ago, so maybe you should watch this talk so you can adapt and enjoy life again. (klink gek, again vertel je iemand wat hij zelf al weet. Beter: 'This talk might help you deal with the death of your dog and enjoy life again.) I want to try this too, but I don't know how to tackle this.

This video is going to change my life. ('is going to' of 'has changed'?) If you wonder 'how?', I can give my experience after I saw this talk. (deze zin klopt niet met wat je wil zeggen) This talk inspired me to do this (onduidelijk waar 'this' naar verwijst) too and start to enjoy things in life. The most important thing of all is, do what you can do in 30 days. You can wait until the moment comes, but you can also say to yourself 'let's do it!'. I think that is an important message he tells us. I want to make a to-do list and want to (of 'and I want to' of 'want to' de tweede keer weglaten) try all of those things ~~from the list~~. Hopefully does it work (hopefully does it work is grammaticaal incorrect, dit moet 'hopefully it works' zijn) and can I ('can I' moet 'I can' zijn) do what I have always wanted to do.

What is your opinion about the talk? Do you already have plans for the challenge? I do have (have weglaten). For example I want to help kids in Africa for a week. Do you like this plan? Maybe we can do that together. Other things you can do, is cleaning your street from plastics etcetera. Or help a disabled person for one day. (deze zin even herschrijven, je zegt 'etcetera' na een voorbeeld en geeft er daarna nog een. Ook 'cleaning streets from plastics' is geen mooi Engels.)

I'd like to hear something from you soon. (klinkt ietwat dwingend

)

Yours,
Nayomie

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 14:28

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 14:28

Nayomie schreef:
Hoihoi,

Allereerst voor de modjes, voordat ik weer in een discussie raak en na mijn inleverdatum blijkt dat het wel mocht, dit is geen huiswerktopic. Het is de bedoeling dat de brieven gecorrigeerd worden door een ander.

Ik heb op dit moment 2 brieven te schrijven. 1 is af, de ander zal later nog volgen. Zouden jullie er naar willen kijken en willen corrigeren daar waar nodig? Dus grammaticaal, zinsopbouw, woordkeuze etc etc.

Dear Jonah,

Last time we spoke to each other was a month ago. How are you? I'm fine.

Yesterday, I saw a interesting talk by Matt Cutts. I think it's very interesting and it could change your lifestyle, so I like to share this video with you. The reason I watched this talk is because I thought that it might be a good talk for you. Your dog died a month ago, so maybe you should watch this talk so you can adapt and enjoy life again. I want to try this too, but I don't know how to tackle this.

This video is going to change my life. If you wonder 'how?', I can give my experience after I saw this talk. This talk inspired me to do this too and start to enjoy things in life. The most important thing of all, do what you can do in 30 days. You can wait until the moment comes, but you can also say to yourself 'let's do it!'. I think that is a important message he tells us. I want to make a to-do list and want to try all of those things from the list. Hopefully does it work and can I do what I always wanted to do.

What is your opinion about the talk? Do you have already plans for the challenge? I do have. For example I want to help kids in Africa for a week. Do you like this plan? Maybe we can do that together. Other things you can do, is cleaning your street from plastics etcetera. Or help a disabled person for one day.

I like to hear something from you soon.

Yours,
Nayomie

Dit gaat om een informele brief

Groetjes

Grammaticaal is het correct geschreven, echter is de zinsbouw wat hakkerig en af en toe wat raar (nog steeds juist hoor, maar het bekt wat minder

)

Dear Jonah,

It has been a month since we last spoke; how are you? I'm doing fine.
Last time we spoke to each other was a month ago. How are you? I'm fine.

Yesterday, I found a video of Matt Cutts presentation at the TED conference. I happened to find it very interesting and it could possibly change your lifestyle, if not your view on certain things,
so I decided to share it with you.
Yesterday, I saw a interesting talk by Matt Cutts. I think it's very interesting and it could change your lifestyle, so I like to share this video with you.

I watched his presentation because I thought it might be something for you. I know your dog died a month ago and it might help you dealing with it. I'm interested in trying but I'm not sure how to do it/I'm not sure how to tackle it.
The reason I watched this talk is because I thought that it might be a good talk for you. Your dog died a month ago, so maybe you should watch this talk so you can adapt and enjoy life again. I want to try this too, but I don't know how to tackle this.

This video changed my life. It inspired me to do this and enjoy things more in life. Most important, what you can do in 30 days to improve your quality of living. You can sit by and wait until change comes (or not) OR you can get yourself together and get things done! I think that's the most important thing he wants us to know.
So I'm making a to-do ist and I'm gonna try to fulfill it. I hope I'll be able to do what I've written down.
This video is going to change my life. If you wonder 'how?', I can give my experience after I saw this talk. This talk inspired me to do this too and start to enjoy things in life. The most important thing of all, do what you can do in 30 days. You can wait until the moment comes, but you can also say to yourself 'let's do it!'. I think that is a important message he tells us. I want to make a to-do list and want to try all of those things from the list. Hopefully does it work and can I do what I always wanted to do.

So, what do you think? Have you made plans yet after watching? Do you feel inspired?
I am. I'm thinking on going to Africa, helping children for a week. Maybe we can go together.
There's so much we could do, helping disabled persons and cleaning the streets. Think about it, ok?

What is your opinion about the talk? Do you have already plans for the challenge? I do have. For example I want to help kids in Africa for a week. Do you like this plan? Maybe we can do that together. Other things you can do, is cleaning your street from plastics etcetera. Or help a disabled person for one day.

I'd like to hear something from you soon.

Yours,
Nayomie

**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 14-09-14 14:35

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 14-09-14 14:35

Thanks iedereen voor de feedback! Gaat allemaal mee in versie 2

Ondertussen bezig met alle fouten etc in een apart bestand aan het zetten met notities erbij

@Killyenn, er staat in de opdracht dat je moet refereren naar de laatste confersatie. Had geen idee hoe het anders kon

**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 14-09-14 15:04

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 14-09-14 15:04

Zo, ik heb de brief aangepast.

Dear Jonah,

It has been a month since we last spoke; how are you? I'm doing fine.

Yesterday, I found a video of Matt Cutts presentation at the TED conference. I think it's very interesting and it could change your life, so I'd like to share this video with you. The reason I watched this talk is because I thought that it might be a good talk for you. This talk might help you deal with the death of your dog and enjoy life again. I want to try this too, but I don't know how to tackle this.

This video has changed my life. If you wonder 'how?', I can tell you what happened when I saw this talk. This talk inspired me to do this challenge too he spoke about and start to enjoy things in life. The most important thing of all is, do what you can do in 30 days. You can wait until the moment comes, but you can also say to yourself 'let's do it!'. I think that is an important message he tells us. I want to make a to-do list and try all of those things. Hopefully does it work and I can do what I have always wanted to do.

What is your opinion about the talk? Do you already have plans for the challenge? I do. For example I want to help kids in Africa for a week. Do you like this plan? Maybe we can do that together. Other things you can do, is cleaning your street by putting plastics in the bin. Something else you could do is help a disabled person for one day.

I'd like to hear something from you soon.

Yours,
Nayomie

Dit beter?

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 15:22

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 15:22

Ziet er netjes uit

Alleen deze zin moet je nog even aanpassen "Hopefully does it work and...".
Ook de laatste zin vind ik nog steeds te dwingend en zou ik veranderen naar "I look forward to hearing from you".

**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 14-09-14 15:29

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 14-09-14 15:29

Ohja, goed dat je het zegt. Zat zojuist al te kijken, het zag er grammaticaal niet netjes uit.

Tijd voor brief 2, moet ik alleen nog wel even een talk voor kijken

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 15:34

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 15:34

Nayomie schreef:
Zo, ik heb de brief aangepast.

Dear Jonah,

It has been a month since we last spoke; how are you? I'm doing fine.

Yesterday, I found a video of Matt Cutts presentation at the TED conference. I think it's very interesting and it could change your life, so I'd like to share this video with you. The reason I watched this is because I thought that it might be a good for you. It might help you deal with the death of your dog and enjoy life again. I want to try this too, but I don't know how to tackle this.

This video has changed my life. If you wonder 'how?', I can tell you what happened when I saw it. It inspired me to do this challenge too he spoke about and start to enjoy things in life. The most important thing of all is, do what you can do in 30 days. You can wait until the moment comes, but you can also say to yourself 'let's do it!'. I think that is an important message he tells us. I want to make a to-do list and try all of those things. Hopefully does it work and I can do what I have always wanted to do.

What is your opinion about the talk? Do you already have plans for the challenge? I do. For example I want to help kids in Africa for a week. Do you like this plan? Maybe we can do that together. Other things you can do, is cleaning your street by putting plastics in the bin. Something else you could do is help a disabled person for one day.

I'd like to hear something from you soon.

Yours,
Nayomie

Dit beter?

Die talk kan echt niet, zo veel en het slaat nergens op. Doen wij in het Nl toch ook niet? Dan ga je het ook hebben over 'het' ipv het gesprek. Je refereert er misschien 1 a 2 keer aan, maar je berichtje is zo kort dat het echt gaat tegenstaan.

Bovendien is het gewoon conversation of video, niet talk.

**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 14-09-14 15:38

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 14-09-14 15:38

Conversation past niet zo in context, vind ik zelf. Het gaat om een presentatie van ted.com, dat talks worden genoemd.

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 15:39

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 15:39

Talk kan prima hoor. Je kan talk zowel als een verb en als een noun gebruiken.

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 15:40

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 15:40

Dan presentation ipv conversation

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 15:49

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 15:49

Talk is gewoon het juiste woord hier

**Geplaatst**: 14-09-14 15:53

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst: 14-09-14 15:53

Oke talk kan prima. Maar als je dan de brief leest is net niet een beetje teveel gebruik van talk?

**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 27-09-14 21:37

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 27-09-14 21:37

Ik heb ondertussen een nieuwe brief geschreven die ook weer een correctie kan ondergaan

Dit gaat overigens om een formele brief, dus hier mag zeker kritischer naar gekeken worden.

Dear Mr Oliver,
My name is [NAAM VERWIJDERD], I am seventeen years old and I live in the Netherlands. I study in [SCHOOL VERWIJDERD]. What I have seen, was your talk about food and healthy on ted.com. I was very shocked about what I saw in that video.
There was also an article I have been reading. The article was about the food at schools. Most of the schools are selling unhealthy food. Food at school are mostly not health for children. The title of the article TV Chef Jamie Oliver Slams Government Review and Calls for Action on School Dinners and it was released by The Huffington Post on 04 July 2012. My opinion about that article is that it is good to give it some attention because fast food at school and home is a serious problem.

You had me serious, with your story. For example, that children do not know the name of all the vegetables and fruits. That is unbelievable. That is one of the reasons that I would like to help you with your project.

Our school do not have fruits. A few years ago they had a project. They turned candy into fruits. They did not sell candy's anymore. The only thing you could buy was fruit. Only, that was for a short time. By now, they have got for example soup and bread with sausage. There is also a vending machine filled with candy. What they can change is bring back the fruit and put also bread with healthy food in it.

What I want to do in my neighborhood is to invite somebody who can give some information about food and their nutritional. If I can work this out, I hope that children and parents become more aware of the usefulness of vegetables and fruits. If people become more aware of that, it would help them understand that people need healthy food.

You have made a great talk about this topic. Would you like to give me some advise for my project so I can make it successful?

Yours sincerely,
[NAAM VERWIJDERD]

Even vanwege privacy sommige dingen verwijderd

**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 05-10-14 09:33

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 05-10-14 09:33

Niemand?

Ondertussen heb ik nog een brief die nagekeken moet worden. Die zal ik zo plaatsen. Naast deze 2 moet ik vandaag nog 2 maken. Ook die moeten nog nagekeken worden.

**Geplaatst**: 05-10-14 10:21

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst: 05-10-14 10:21

Je moet heel kritisch naar je zinsopbouw gaan kijken. Ik ben halverwege het corrigeren gestopt omdat ik je hele brief aan het herschrijven was. Ik doe het graag voor je maar ik weet niet of dat de bedoeling van je opdracht is? Voor een formele brief vind ik het een wirwar van informatie. Als je over een artikel begint, noem dan eerst de naam van het artikel voordat je verteld wat je ervan vond.

Ben benieuwd wat de bedoeling precies is

**Geplaatst**: 05-10-14 10:42

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst: 05-10-14 10:42

Als het geen huiswerk is, waarom 'moeten' er dan nog twee geschreven worden vandaag? En waarom 'moeten' die nog gecorrigeerd worden?

**Geplaatst**: 05-10-14 10:48

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst: 05-10-14 10:48

Misschien is de opdracht om de brieven door andere mensen te laten corrigeren, maar ik snap het leerpunt hier ook niet echt van.

**Geplaatst**: 05-10-14 11:05

Re: Correctie engelse brieven

Geplaatst: 05-10-14 11:05

misschien inderdaad het 'niet huiswerk', corrigeren door een ander even toelichten?

want je levert dan feitelijk foutloze brieven in, door wie dan ook gecorrigeerd?
dat klinkt mij toch gewoon als een huiswerk opdracht in de oren.

talk is inderdaad heel 'krom/plat' om te gebruiken.

to have a talk is een beetje zoals 'i have to have a talk with you' meer een gebiedend gebeuren..
to talk is inderdaad een werkwoord, maar minder geschikt om in dezelfde context als zelfstandignaam woord te gebruiken..

ik zou je aanraden om met je basis engelse woordenschat aan je synoniemen te gaan werken.

a talk by

is 'addressing someone'
of
speeching..

dus geen twee wegs conversatie zoals je die waarschijnlijk bedoelt.

in mijn laatste zin heb je je eigenlijk al het goede antwoord gegeven.

het beste wat je kunt doen is vragen aan je docent welke online Thesaurus je het beste kunt gebruiken om je engelse woordenschat, met name op het gebied van betekenissen en synoniemen te vergroten..

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