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_lucy_ schreef:

Sometimes I wish I could spread my wings
And fly away, to be free.
You know, all that kind of things..
To just be me

But who am I?
Who can tell me?
And please don’t lie
‘Cause I just don’t know how I suppose to be.

I just don’t know what I want anymore,
I could walk out of the door.
Or I could stay who I am right now.
But please, tell me how?

I don’t know how to explain,
How I feel today,
There are a lot of things, but mostly it’s pain.
It's hard to reach, but I’ll find a way.

You don’t know what’s goning on in my mind,
And if you know, it’s still hard to find.
But I’ll keep the faith to hold on,
That’s my strength to keep me strong.

Maybe in another lifetime. [ life past beter]
Or maybe I['ll als je toekomde tijd bedoelt] just take someone else's heart..
Or is that a crime..?
Then put me in prison, maybe that’s just a new start.

Sometimes I smile,
Sometimes I laugh.
But that's not for a while.
Not for whole day’s, not not even the half.

Genee schreef:

_lucy_ schreef:

Sometimes I wish I could spread my wings
And fly away, to be free.
You know, all that kind of things..
To just be me

But who am I?
Who can tell me?
And please don’t lie
‘Cause I just don’t know how I suppose to be.

I just don’t know what I want anymore,
I could walk out of the door.
Or I could stay who I am right now.
But please, tell me how?

I don’t know how to explain,
How I feel today,
There are a lot of things, but mostly it’s pain.
It's hard to reach, but I’ll find a way.

You don’t know what’s goning on in my mind,
And if you know, it’s still hard to find.
But I’ll keep the faith to hold on,
That’s my strength to keep me strong.

Maybe in another lifetime. [ life past beter]
Or maybe I['ll als je toekomde tijd bedoelt] just take someone else's heart..
Or is that a crime..?
Then put me in prison, maybe that’s just a new start.

Sometimes I smile,
Sometimes I laugh.
But that's not for a while.
Not for whole day’s, not not even the half.

Ik heb een paar foutjes verbeterd. Sommige woorden of zinnen (ook werkwoordstijden) lopen niet helemaal, maar dat is een persoonlijke keuze dus dat ga ik niet verbeteren. Sorry, ik krijg geen hoogte van je gedicht. Het likt alsof je persé een engels gedicht wilde schrijven, maar niet genoeg woorden kenden om dat te doen.
Bovendien, lijken de strofen elkaar tegen te spreken en alles gaat, naar mijn idee, over iets anders.
Ook gebruik je vaak dezelfde (verbindings)woorden en is het ritme niet in alle strofen hetzelfde, zelfs niet binnen een strofe.

Ik vind het goed geprobeerd, en ik zou er zeker mee doorgaan. oefening baart immers kunst

Succes.