Bokt.nl

**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 25-06-05 21:53

Selections from the "Horseman's Dictionary"

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 25-06-05 21:53

Selections from the "Horseman's Dictionary"

Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through marshy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water puddles.
Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
Contracted foot - The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's toes up - right before a horse steps on your foot.
Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he administers mineral oil to his horse.
Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you in the woods.
Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to crow hop, shy and buck his way around a show ring.
Feed - Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure
Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding).
Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over - he cannot be punished.
Founder - 1.) The discovery of your loose mare-some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I found'er." 2.) Founder: A condition that happens to most people after Thanksgiving dinner
Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the barn
Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
Grooms - Heavy, stationary objects used at horse shows to hold down lawn chairs and show bills.
Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.
Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working in the barn.
Heaves - The act of unloading a truck full of hay.
Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.
Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo from the treads of your tennis shoes.
Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate pasture fencing.
Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.
Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides each year; can be a chronic condition in weekend riders.
Lead Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
Longeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to grazing.
Manure spreader - Horse traders
Mosquitoes - Radar equipped blood sucking insects that typically reach the size of small birds.
Mustang - The type of horse your husband would gladly trade your favorite one for...preferably in a red convertible and V-8.
Parasites - Small children (no flames please) that get in your way when you work in the barn. Many gather in swarms at horse shows.
Pinto - A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed and sparkling clean gray horse that was left unattended in his stall for ten minutes.
Pony - The true size of the stallion that you bred your mare to via transported semen-that was advertised as 15 hands tall.
Proud Flesh - The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion when a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed in halter classes.
Quarter Cracks - The comments that most Arabian owners make about the people who own Quarter Horses.
Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
Rasp - An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
Reins - Break-away leather device used to tie horses with.
Ringworms - Spectators who block your view and gather around the rail sides at horse shows.
Sacking out - A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below). The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually goes into labor and foals.
Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.
Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the weekend at the horse show.
Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last several weeks.
Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of a rider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger.
Stall - What your truck does on the way to a horse show, fifty miles from the closest town.
Tack Room - A room where every item necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place which it cannot be found in less than 30 minutes.
Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before their classes at a show.
Vet Catalog - An illustrated brochure provided to stable owners that features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or have been dropped from a company's inventory.
Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.
Yearling - The age at which all horses completely forget the things you taught them previously.
Young stock - A general term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground.

**Geplaatst**: 25-06-05 22:09

Re: Selections from the "Horseman's Dictionary"

Geplaatst: 25-06-05 22:09

Whahahahhahahahahahahaha...........