How to make your woman happy :))
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- Berichten: 20941
- Geregistreerd: 09-01-01
- Woonplaats: "the world is my playground"
Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 22-08-01 17:49
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy!
Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects...
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
Simple Duties:
You make the bed..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1
You leave the toilet seat up..-5
You leave the toilet lid down..-10 after the lights are out..-30
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
But return with beer ..-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5
You pummel it with a six iron..+10
It's her father..-10
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2
Named Tiffany..-4
Tiffany is a dancer..-6
Tiffany has implants..-8
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner..0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10
A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal ..-5
And the pal is happily married ..-4
Or frighteningly single ..-7
And he drives a Mustang..-10
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30
You say "I don't care because you have one too"...-800
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5
You hesitate in responding..-10
You reply, "Where?"..-35
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..-20
- Manon 2
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- Berichten: 2783
- Geregistreerd: 09-01-01
Geplaatst: 22-08-01 21:15
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it here!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on tv
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and rock him until he sleeps
I'm not yelling = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important
The answer to "What's wrong?":
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that you are such an asshole
MEN'S ENGLISH
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice tits!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
What's wrong? = What meaningless, self-inflicted psychological trauma,are you going through now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different.
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing you I am a deep
person....and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one better" = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home
I don't think that blouse and skirt go together = I'm gay
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