Geplaatst Commentaar op de schrijfstijl is heel welkom. Ik heb het wat meer vertellend geschreven, dat past, vind ik, beter bij het vertelstandpunt. Met de slotzin ben ik nog niet helemaal tevreden, die mag iets krachtiger zijn.
Waarschijnlijk zitten er ook nog wel wat grammaticale foutjes in, dus die mogen ook altijd verbeterd worden. Aan het einde zitten er misschien wat vreemde woorden in, maar 4 verschillende adjectieven zoeken voor het woord 'empty' is ook niet alles
Dus verbeteringen, commentaar en tips zijn helemaal welkom, maar ik ben maar een 16-jarige en geen Engels literair hoogstandje
Citaat:Is this the only evidence that proves it, a photograph of you and I?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I didn’t. Until that one day.
It was a day like every other. Not too warm, just a really pleasant day somewhere halfway May. I was in town to buy some things I would need for the coming week; my parents had left for Europe that morning. It wasn’t the first time I would spend a whole week alone, though: both of my parents were really successful and busy business people and they often had to go on business trips. I was used to being alone. As a nineteen-year-old woman, I could take good care of myself and I didn’t mind being on my own.
It was near noon and since my stomach started aching with hunger, I decided to take a short break and allow myself some food. As I passed a hotdog booth, I came to a halt and looked at the price list. Deciding it was good enough, I got in line and waited my turn. I busied myself with my cell phone, texting some friends.
“What can I get you?” the Arabian-looking man with a white apron asked me in clumsy English.
Bewildered I looked around me, surprised it was already my turn.
“Oh, err – I’ll have a hotdog with ketchup and a Diet Coke, please.”
The man nodded and prepared my order as I started my search for money, somewhere deep down in my purse. The many plastic bags I was carrying weren’t making it easier. I struggled, determined to find five dollars.
“Aha!”
Having finally dug up the note, I held it in the air triumphantly. Too triumphantly; I dropped all the bags.
“Oh oliebol” I cursed, getting some angry looks shot at me from the people behind me. I bent over and wanted to pick them back up as fast as I could.
“I’ll help you.”
I looked up and found two deep brown eyes fixed on me. A young man of about my age was standing opposite me, smiling. He bent over and picked up the last two bags.
“I’m Daniel,” he said, getting up.
“Ashley.” I followed his example, got up and smiled at him, hoping my face wasn’t turning red.
“I guess you’ll need these, then.”
He handed me the bags and smiled.
“Yeah, thanks.”
We looked each other in the eyes and I thought I would melt.
“Ahem” the seller coughed. “You still want these?” he asked, holding up my hotdog and can of Diet Coke.
“Oh yeah!”
I gave him the money, put the can in my purse and took the hotdog in my hand.
“So you want to join me in my hotdog-eating?”
He laughed and my stomach made a jump.
“No thanks, I’m not that hungry.”
Me neither, I thought.
“You mind if I walk along?” Daniel asked.
“No, not at all!” I said, maybe sounding a little too greedy.
“Cool” the boy smiled. “Done some serious shopping there?” he asked, pointing at the many plastic bags now dangling from my wrist.
I swallowed my mouthful of hotdog. “Oh no, just some essentials. My parents are in Europe so I’m home alone for the next week.”
Daniel let out a low whistle. “Wow, Europe eh?”
So I started telling him about my parents, how I had grown up not seeing them really often, being looked after by a whole series of nanny’s. By the time I had finished talking, my hotdog was long gone and my watch indicated 1 PM. Consciously or unconsciously, we had walked towards the park and now entered it. We reached a little wooden bench and I came to a halt.
“Care to sit down?” I asked him.
“I prefer the grass, if you don’t mind.”
He pointed over his shoulder towards a grass field. A large oak tree in the middle of it was the only source of shade.
“Sure” I smiled and followed him.
At the foot of the tree, Daniel sat down. I went to sit in front of him.
“So, Daniel” I said, “tell me something about yourself.”
He smiled.
“I’m not that interesting, you know. I know something more interesting.”
Bending forward, he kissed me softly on the lips.
“You’re right,” I grinned, “that’s a lot more interesting.”
The rest of the afternoon was just like a dream. We stayed in the park for some time, kissing, cuddling, talking. We went to the mall where we enjoyed ourselves making pictures in a little photo cabin: Daniel kissing me on the cheek, me kissing Daniel on his forehead, Daniel and me kissing, Daniel and me with stupid faces, …
Right before we left, he bought me a bouquet of red roses. Coincidence or not, but those were my favourite flowers. We went to my house where I cooked us an evening meal. We got upstairs, to my room, where we talked some more. We sat on the bed together and he wanted to know everything about me. I had never met someone who was that good of a listener. At the end of the evening, we were lying together on my bed.
“Ashley, can I ask you something?” Daniel asked.
“Sure” I said, turning to him and supporting my head with one hand.
“Do you believe in ghosts?” he asked straightforwardly.
I was a little shocked; this wasn’t the sort of question I had expected. But on the other hand it was a really good question. It got me thinking.
Do I believe in ghosts? I asked myself.
A friend of mine had had a really weird experience with a Ouija board. But I hadn’t experienced anything like that myself. And as long as I hadn’t, I didn’t believe it.
“No” I answered after some time.
The expectant expression that he had worn on his face, immediately faded away.
“What’s the matter?” I asked somewhat concerned, “Have I said something wrong?”
Daniel shook his head.
“No, never mind” he said, not sounding convincing at all.
I eyed him concerned and a little suspiciously. Something seemed to bother him.
He looked me straight in the eyes and said: “Drop it. Please. It’ll ruin the rest of the evening.”
One simple kiss was enough to convince me.
This whole thing was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It felt as if Daniel and I had some connection. As if we had met before … in another life. If I would mess this up, I thought, it would be lost forever. I didn’t know why I thought this. I just did.
“You know,” Daniel began, “today wasn’t the first time I saw you.”
I looked at him, my eyes wide in surprise.
“I’d seen you before. Many times. The first time I saw you, you just blew me away. I have been dreaming of this for so long.”
My heart was racing and my stomach made a thousand tumbles.
“So how come I’ve never seen you before?” I asked.
“I know how to hide really well.”
He smiled, gave me one last kiss and laid down his head, closing his eyes. Grinning and filled with love, I did the same and fell asleep almost immediately.
When I woke up the next morning I kept my eyes shut for a few more minutes, reliving the passed 24 hours. I almost couldn’t believe it had all actually happened. Was I really meant to be this lucky?
I opened my eyes. The alarm clock on my bedside table told me it was seventeen past ten. When I finally turned around, expecting to see Daniel still asleep beside me, I found the spot next to me empty. It was even neatly made up. My heart started beating faster.
No worry, I told myself, he’s probably already in the bathroom or in the kitchen.
But the bathroom was empty. I even checked all the other rooms, which all appeared to be unoccupied. So I ran down the stairs, feeling my blood rushing through my veins, my ears buzzing. The ground floor was as deserted as the desert itself. No living soul but myself. I double-checked every door, room and even all the cupboards, but all in vain.
Leaning on the counter, I panted and felt tears streaming silently down my face. It was then that my eye fell on something on the kitchen table. I crossed the room and found one single red rose. My favourite flower.
Within two seconds, I realized it. I stormed up the stairs, even faster than I had done coming down. Dashing into my room, I immediately went to my desk where I had put the pictures we had taken the day before. I studied them closely. The person next to me was gone.
" al had ik het stiekem wel al een beetje verwacht na die "do you believe in ghosts?" question 
) 
maar daar zit wel een soortgelijke twist in merk in nu.. naja oordeel straks zelf maar of je het plagiaat vind! Al is het dat natuurlijk al grotendeels, omdat ik het op Gerards visie baseer 
Ik had eerst 'I awaited my turn' dus waarschijnlijk ben ik het daarom vergeten toen ik het aanpaste. En die laatste opmerking is helemaal waar, is idd nogal vreemd ja 
