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**Geplaatst door de TopicStarter** : 31-10-05 19:12

[GED] friends..?

Geplaatst door de TopicStarter : 31-10-05 19:12

Looking back at the times we had
the great times, the fun
The time we had each other

I thought we where friends
and should be there for eachother
no matter what's wrong,what's going on

But when I needed you more than ever
you wasn't there,you did nothing to help me
You let me fall deeper and deeper

You could help me with being there for me
You could help me with saying what happend that night
But you didn't,you did nothing at all

Now I'm sitting here, crying for what's happend
Crying for my life,that I don't have anymore
If you was there for me,it would't be so bad

Hmm..vind em zelf niet zo denderend..maar t zegt wel presies hoe ik me nu voel. Iemand misschien tips'/commentaar?

**Geplaatst**: 31-10-05 21:10

Re:

Geplaatst: 31-10-05 21:10

Weer even wat foutjes eruit gehaald voor je

Citaat:
Looking back at the times we had
the great times, the fun
The time we had
with
each other

I thought we were friends
and should be there for each other
no matter what's wrong, what's going on

But when I needed you more than ever
you weren't there, you did nothing to help me
You let me fall deeper and deeper

You could've helped me by being there for me
You could've helped me by saying what happened that night
But you didn't, you did nothing at all

Now I'm sitting here, crying over what happened
Crying for my life, that I don't have anymore
If you were there for me, it wouldn't be so bad

Het laatste zinnetje zit me alleen nu nog een beetje dwars.
Misschien dat
'If you would've been there for me, it wouldn't be so bad right now'
beter omschrijft wat je wilt zeggen.

In ieder geval, ook bij deze, ik vind het niet echt een super gedicht.
Maar zolang het precies is wat jij voelt, is het niet cliché, en niet slecht.
Want iets waar je je eigen gevoelens in hebt verwerkt is nooit cliché of slecht.
Alleen jammer dat ze hierbij niet echt overkomen. Ik vind het ook jammer dat je wel veel komma's etc. in zinnen zelf gebruikt, maar geen interpunctie aan het einde van regels- maar dat is persoonlijk