Ik waag het er toch maar op. Ga niet het hele verhaal hier plaatsen, tja...de perfectionist is te bang voor kritiek maar ik begin toch wel nieuwsgierig te raken naar wat 'men' er tot nu toe van vind.
Excuses voor huidige grammaticale fouten etc. dit is pas een begin versie.
Heb een bepaald stuk voor jullie uitgekozen, midden in het verhaal.
Gelieve kritiek vriendelijk te houden, en onderbouwd.



He nodded, rubbing his temples with his fingers. ‘I understand. Because the Storms’ were afraid history would repeat itself in their disadvantage, they had the curse put up. They didn’t want the Kethane culture, a culture with riches and enslavement, to spread.’
‘So now what? What about those born with the Mark?’
‘When they reach the age where the gift starts showing, they are brought to the Palace for training.’ It was quiet for a while, and when David looked over at her, she brushed a tear from her eyes. When she saw him watching, she briskly straightened her face. ‘When the Council surrendered their power and the A’Theyus reign began, the way the River were used, changes drastically. And now, as I said, almost two hundred years later, the River are mostly the personal prostitutes of the Lord A’Theyu and are given to his most trusted officers as reward and such.’
When she finished, David watched her cold hard eyes staring back at him.
A thought came to him. ‘And why, wouldn’t they want to help us, when they know we are going to be the means of freeing them?’
‘Because David,’ her voice sounded surprisingly soft ‘these women have been feared and misused for over decades. It is not in their nature to trust another human being. They have been taught a certain way.’ Again she fell silent for a moment, and a glossy surface went over her eyes, as if she was seeing another world. ‘Even if you could convince one that your intentions are good, I doubt you would be able to have her forsake everything she’s been taught. River only live for themselves and their Lords. Which in this case, is Lord A’Theyu…..who is not exactly on your side.’
‘I don’t understand’ he said rubbing his temples again. ‘Why would any parent, knowingly, bring their child to the Palace? That doesn’t make any sense.’
‘Two reasons.’ She said, holding her hand up, pointing her first finger upward. ‘Because people are stupid. They can bring themselves to believe what they want to believe. For example; experience shows us that the girls at the palace are used sexually. The first trainers though, tell the parents that their child will be taken care of properly, and give certain examples as proof of their good-training methods. Because their Lord wants them to cooperate, and the second scenario appeals more to them, they choose to believe it. And because the River only rarely choose to visit family or former friends, the truth doesn’t come out.’
David watched her, interested and shocked at the same time. ‘They are that ignorant?’
Daniella shook her finger at him. ‘Not ignorant, just plain stupid, and stubbornly stuck in their old ways.’
David looked at her, shocked. ‘Well, what about the second reason?’ he asked finally, still not able to believe that people could actually be capable of thinking these sorts of thoughts.
‘The second, is that man is a weak race. We are easily scared. As for the parents, not bringing their daughter to the palace, would cause great discomfort. It would mean that they would be cast out of the normal-society, both by the government because of them ignoring a law, and by their fellow men. You see…’
‘But that’s nonsense. David interrupted frustrated.
‘Is it?’ she asked, raising an eyebrow at him. ‘David, you have to understand that people are like sheep. They are easily frightened, and know that when they are alone, out from among the herd, they are vulnerable. Plus, the unknown scares them. And River are a mystery to most people. My point is; people will do anything to make their herd accept them, so that the unknown dangers from the outside world will not get the chance to harm them. And magic, in most cases, feels like a danger to them, in more than one way.’
‘We must understand, and remember, that if we really want to change the way things work in the world, we will have to use these psychological rules. If we don’t, what we do will have no effect on the people. We must all hope that, even if some of us die, we will have influenced people enough to make them start to think for themselves. And then maybe, a future generation will see to it that the change we long for, will be made. But thinking that that change will take place in our lifetime, is wishful thinking, and thus very foolish.’
David shook his head, not wanting to believe her. ‘There must be a way of making others see that things will have to change, that they are destroying themselves. I can’t allow myself to believe that all people will be so stubborn as to ignore all the facts. Heavens, they are right in front of their own eyes.’
Trivian, who hadn’t said anything, but had instead, stared blindly through one of the small windows in the room, the whole time the two had been talking suddenly looked back at David. ‘I think it is time for us to get some rest. Don’t you agree Daniella?’ without waiting for an answer, he stood up from his chair, scooting it back a pace, and left for the door. ‘Let me show you your room, my friend?’
David, despite his exhaustion shook his head. ‘Thank you, Trivian, but I think I would like to have a quick walk outside before I go to bed, if you don’t mind.’
Trivian shrugged. ‘Fine, my boy. Daniella will accompany you.’
‘That’s alright,’ David declined, seeing the woman’s tired expression. He could tell the discussion had taken a lot of her energy out of her. ‘I’ll be fine on my on, thanks.’ He said looking up, but Trivian had already gone upstairs. So David stood up and headed for the door. But when he passed Daniella, he felt a hand on his arm. ‘David,’ she said, as he looked down on her. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t trust you before. It seems I have misjudged you.’ He just smiled at her and nodded, surprised.
When he finally came outside, he stood still for a moment, breathing in the cool night air, filling his longs with it. It didn’t satisfy him the way he thought it should have. It smelled damp, not at all like the freshness he had so longed for. He felt exhausted, but didn’t think he would be able to sleep already.
The evenings serious discussion had worn him out, and he terribly needed a walk to clear his thoughts. Wrapping his cloak a little tighter around himself, he started walking at a random direction.
He didn’t know how to feel about his situation. Here he was, on his own, going to live with two complete strangers in a house full of children, so that they could try to save the country from some ruthless ruler, who’s family had been in charge for over three generations. And, not to forget, had magic on his side. How in the world did they think they could accomplish anything with just about ten people? At that moment, it seemed pretty ridiculous. And he felt silly for thinking they would be able to change anything.
As he stepped over a puddle that had formed on the unevenly shaped cobbles, he saw the reflection of the moon through it. He looked up to see the sky. Seeing all those stars, and thinking about how many people they would have to convince to change, he suddenly felt very helpless, and alone. He couldn’t help wishing his friends were there with him already. He didn’t exactly feel qualified to be in charge of their little team, in planning such a dangerous undertaking. He felt he would be responsible if anything went wrong.
He knew that wasn’t exactly true. His friends all had their accountability. They had all lived their lives as they saw fit, and knew what was at stake: they had chosen, for themselves, to come here, to try and make a difference.
Suddenly without any warning, someone crashed into him at full speed. It almost knocked him over. Having to take a step backwards, he tried to regain his balance. When he did, he softly pushed the person a step back as well, holding her at arms length, he felt the cold flesh of her arms in his fingers. As he touched her, she cringed. ‘Please… sir…please…’ she begged.
Surprised David looked down at her. When he did, his smile faded. Around her bare shoulders, she hugged a thin cloth, trying to conceal what was beneath. Her naked feet touched the muddy cobbles in a way that made David shudder. It was late fall, and here a young girl was standing in front of him, practically naked.
He looked at her eyes. She watched him like a lamb about to be slaughtered. ‘Sir….please...’ she said again. ‘Please,…leave me be..?’
Remembering in what kind of neighbourhood he was in and seeing how scarcely she was dressed, he realised she was probably a whore. With a second look at her he realised she must think he wanted something with her. Imediately he withdrew his hands from her, as if he had been burned. ‘It’s alright. I’m not going to hurt you. I won’t touch you anymore, see?.’ He said, holding his hands, palm up, in front of her face, and trying to give her an encouraging smile.
She eyed him suspiciously, but still seemed to be relieved. With a hunted expression, she quickly turned her head to glance to the alley at behind her. She’s on the run, he decided. ‘It’s alright,’ he repeated. ‘Is someone trying to hurt you?’ She turned back, watching him with her big blue eyes.
He noticed she was trembling, but didn’t think it was just from the cold. ‘Do you need help? If you can tell me what’s wrong, I would be able to help.’
‘Please sir…,’ she only whimpered. ‘please… don’t tell them where I am…’ she whispered, her voice breaking as she started to cry softly.
David didn’t know what to do. He looked around, trying to see if there was anyone near who could be of any use. The streets were completely empty.
He looked back down at her shuddering shoulders. ‘What’s your name, girl?’ he finally asked.
The question seemed to surprise her. Still she answered weakly. ‘Catie…sir..but sir, please don’t..’
Putting a finger to his lips he shushed her. ‘I won’t tell anyone,’ he promised. ‘Now Catie, tell me what is wrong.’ He said, and raised an eyebrow. ‘Who you are running from.’ He knew she might as well be a thief, or maybe a child run away from home, but the way she had looked back, surely made him question that notion.
He looked down at her, demandingly. She met his gaze. ‘Those soldiers… and the River.’
A cold rippling went up his back, making the fine hairs on his neck and arms stand on end. At that same moment he heard footsteps coming from the end of the alley in front of him. He almost didn’t dare look up, knowing that his fear would be confirmed.
Still dreading to, he slowly lifted his gaze. Even though there was little light in the alleyway, he could clearly make out the three forms coming for them from the other side. In the lead he could make out the figure of a woman. She strode resolutely at them wearing an emotionless expression. Even without ever having seen one, David knew, without doubt, this was a River. As she came closer, he noted the odd way she was dressed. Above tight buckskin pants, and high boots, she wore a white shirt, the open buttons at the top revealing more than he thought would be proper. On top of the shirt, a shiny black leather corset held things together. Her long black hair, bound together in a tail, bounced slightly as she walked. As the light of lantern shone on her, the silvery collar around her neck glimmered brightly. Right then, something tapped at the inside of Davids head. Hadn’t he seen something like it before?
Two young men, looking David’s age, both wearing thick cloaks like the one he had, accompanied her, walking, at an easier pace, in her wake. He recognised the golden emblem at their right shoulder. It was the sign of the Kethane army.
Standing motionless, David tried assessing the situation as his mind raced a hundred miles per hour. He didn’t even know this child. She hadn’t even told him why she was running, what she had done wrong. Even if she had, for all he knew, she could be lying.
From the cold look the woman was wearing, David knew, that if he didn’t act, he was about to be dragged into something he didn’t think he cared for. He realised he had to take a side. And to do that, he had to know the problem, know what the girl had done. Without a second glance at the three-pair coming their way, he bowed down and turned the girl, who had stood transfixed, staring, around by her shoulders, looking into her eyes desperately. ‘Catie, tell me why they are coming for you.’ He whispered urgently. ‘I need to know. What have you done wrong?’
She looked up at him, her lips trembling, tears of fear rolling down her cheeks. ‘I didn’t want to work anymore. I tried…I tried running away. But Mister Finn.., he called for the guards…, and then… Mistress Chaney..’
An angry jolt went through him when he heard the name spoken aloud of one of the Brothels he had seen during his search through the city. Somehow he was surprised that Jessop Finn was still in business, the same as when he was a boy. It seemed some things never changed.
Setting his jaw, David pulled the small wet face to his arm, freeing his right hand to put it to
his belt, where the handle of his knife stuck out.
He suddenly felt sorry he hadn’t allowed Trivian, or at least Daniella, to accompany him on his walk. It would’ve surely made him feel more secure. He knew already, that this was spinning out of his hands.
Even though he didn’t know the real danger of the situation, he had heard enough. At the back of his mind a voice screamed at him, that he was nuts, that this would be the end. Of course he knew the voice was right, but somehow he still hoped there would be a chance for the both of them to escape. He knew he would not leave her, he would not let them take this young girl. He also knew that that would probably be his end. From the stories he had heard, this woman alone would be trouble enough, even without her escorts.
As she approached, the woman’s eyes searched his, finally locking the both of them together. David stared stubbornly back. He wasn’t about to lose this mental battle. He knew that if he did, he would lose the rest also.
Her eyes flashed to complete blackness for an instant. Then somewhere along her way towards them, the woman broke into an amused grin, lifting one of the corners of her mouth. It lasted only a quick moment, before her face regained it’s emotionless expression. But exactly that, that it disappeared as sudden as it had come, made him wonder if he had imagined it. A chill ran up his back. In reaction his expression faltered for a moment.
Finally, she came to a halt before him, the two soldiers stopping at proper distance on both sides. Taking a relaxed stance, she put her hand to her side and, leaning on it’s parallel leg, she watched him for some time. No one seemed to dare say anything. The only sound near, was the muffled crying of Catie, standing next to David, her face pressed into his cloak. And the swoosh of the chain the woman, Mistress Chaney, was twirling around and round in the air.
David forced himself to look into her eyes, not wanting to give in to the warnings in his head, give in to his fear. He feared though that if she would keep this up much longer, he would not be able to resist her. Her brown eyes had an intensity he had seen before. He tried thinking, remembering where he had seen it before. He couldn’t. It felt as though those eyes made everything, the rest of the world, fade away. He felt naked before those eyes.
Then, she spoke. Her voice sounded dark, foreboding. ‘It seems we are going to have some trouble.’ The words seemed uttered quietly, mostly to herself. It almost seemed she wasn’t even aware of anyone else around them in that moment.
Then she straightened, stopping the circle her chain was making in the air. ‘Please step away from the girl. We have business to discus.’ She said, the sweet tone still not having left her voice.
‘I do not think I like the theme of the business you are to discuss.’ He said, looking down at the little heap of person at his side.
‘Nonetheless, it is still our business.’ She said waving his objection away with her right hand.
He gave her a look, going for defiant. ‘What is it, that this child has done, that would be worth summoning such as yourself? Is she such a dangerous criminal, she has to be chased by three people?’ He was trying to stall, buy some time. While they spoke, he stole glances to his surroundings, searching for a place to escape. He didn’t see any that would be any good to them.
The River shrugged. ‘Not that important, no. But for me, it seems to be a welcome distraction from daily life around the palace.., dungeons with my own children.’ She said drawing attention to the last word. Despite that, the words came sweetly, her eyes flashing with delight. It was a challenge, and received as such. David gritted his teeth.
‘You have not answered my question.’ he said, inwardly resigning to the fact that they would not be able to escape, he would have to fight their way out. Mentally he began preparing himself, cursing himself because he had decided to leave his axe on the farm, at home.
‘Fine.’ She said, shrugging again. ‘I am to return this property to Mister Finn’s.’ she watched him for a moment. Then, cocking her head innocently. ‘She is to be punished for lacking to keep her promises, for not fulfilling her duties.’ Seemingly bored, she started swinging her chain again.
She was trying him, probing for anger, he knew. And he regretted the fact that it was working, even though he couldn’t help it. The way she was looking at him, not doing anything, like he was an entertaining bug that she could crush anytime she liked. The way the soldiers were acting; indifferent, bored even, proved that she probably could. The way even her attitude alone made him feel helpless, infuriated him even more.
He hadn’t even really heard her. At that moment, he decided that now he knew that the fight was inescapable, he would get it over with as quick as possible. He knew how to defend himself. He thought that maybe, he might even have a slight chance of disarming them, and get the chance they needed to escape. He had already seen a mental image of what he would do. He was a fast runner. When he got the chance, he would pick up the girl, and make a run for it.
He slowly pushed the now silent girl, out of his way a little. And then raising an eyebrow, he leaned forward a bit towards Chaney’s fair face. ‘I don’t really care for your plans. I think I’ll make do with my own, with the girl. I suggest, if you are wise, you will leave.’ He said, at the same time putting his hand on his knife in warning, his eyes flashing angrily, the adrenaline already starting to pump the blood faster through his veins.
Her reaction surprised him. She straightened, letting her hands drop to her sides, the chain being stopped in it’s route in mid-air, and making a clinking sound as it fell against her thigh. She squinted at him. ‘Trouble. Trouble indeed.’ And whispering she added. ‘The time has finally come. May the Creator protect you, Dihari.’
Confused, he regained his stance. She’s mad, he thought astonished.
Inwardly pushing the conversation aside he pulled out his knife in a fluid movement, spinning towards her, preparing for the impact it would make when the steal met the woman’s side.
The impact never came.
The moment he reached for his dagger, her eyes went black as pitch. With an expression he only, in that instant, read as distress, she poked a finger at him. The moment her finger met his chest, the world started crashing in. From that point on, everything went terribly fast….everything, except his own movement. His arm wouldn’t move, while the rest of the world kept going on. His body felt as though it were made out of lead. Trying desperately to make his limbs work faster, he could only watch her. While his arm moved ever so slowly in an arc towards her, she stepped forward, leaning towards him all the way, and then…she kissed him. He had never felt anything like it. Her lips felt strangely comforting on his, like he had kissed her before, like it was meant to be that way.
Then she pulled back, and tracing the side of his face with her fingers, she whispered in his ear. ‘Do not forget your kin, chosen one.’
Her words echoed, vibrated through his body while the world started spinning out of control. Alien forms, colours, all melting into one circling motion. He tried desperately to make sense of it all, to keep his balance. He was starting to fall, he felt he was. Then, before he crashed, face first, to the ground, everything went black.

David immediately regretted awakening when he felt the enormous headache coming up. Putting a hand to his forehead he groaned.
‘Oh, good. You’re awake.’ A very sober sounding voice came from close by. He made himself open his eyes, flinching against the sudden light of the room.
He was on top of a thick bed-blanket, on his back. At the bedside, a blond haired woman stood facing him. Daniella scowled down at him. Instead of returning the gesture, he brought forth an innocent grin. Her scowl only deepened when he did. Then he remembered what had happened, and his grin faded like darkness before the sun.
Daniella sat down on the bed next to his, producing a wet cloth from a small table, and started wiping it over his forehead. He flinged at it’s touch; it stung terribly. Ignoring his expression, she continued dapping the cloth, with a concentrated look on her face. ‘We have to keep the stitches clean. Now hold still.’ Her tone left no room for arguing so he slumped back into his pillow, closing his eyes.
After some time, she spoke up again. He could tell she was trying to hide her emotions, and she would’ve done a good job at it too, had he not heard the slight tremble in it when she spoke. ‘You are either very brave, or very stupid.’ He opened his eyes, looking at her in surprise. She peered at him. ‘Either way, David Jackson, you are one of the luckiest men alive.’ And under her breath she muttered. ‘Probably more than you can comprehend.’ She shook her head.
Not knowing how to answer to that, David diverted his gaze, staring at the wall.
He felt thankful for being alive, for being back at the childrens’ home. At the same time his heart ached for the girl, Catie. And he felt extremely frustrated with himself for letting her slip away. Even though he couldn’t have expected what had happened that night, he still felt he should have known better. Maybe he should’ve just walked away when he had the chance. But he knew he could never have. He had felt responsible for the child, for innocence being lost, in it’s worst form. And now, he felt responsible for making her suffer. Because he knew she would. The woman, the River, she did not lie. That much he could tell.
‘You should not have been so stubborn.’ Daniella continued lecturing him. ‘Even a donkey would not have been so stupid as to defy a River.’ She was not even looking at him, staring at the wall he had just been looking at. ‘Typical for men.’ She said scoffing. ‘Big mouth, small brains. Just when we…’
Right then, a shadow fell on her work. When the two of them looked up, Trivian was there, towering over them. In his arm he held a small red haired girl, freckles covering her frowning face. ‘He is hurt!’ she exclaimed. ‘Did you bump your head? I bet you hit that stupid closet in the boys room didn’t you?’ Her eyes went from wide, tot very narrow. ‘I am always telling them to close the upper drawers, because James already hit it twice. But they never listen.’ She looked back at Trivian, shaking her head in earnest. ‘They never listen.’
David smiled at her, opening his mouth to reply, but Daniella beat him to it. ‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘David bumped his head on it too. Boy’s are stupid like that, Jody, you remember that.’
David’s mouth clanked shut again. Before he could say anything in his defence, Trivian spoke up. ‘It is good to see you are alright, my boy. We were worried for some time when you did not awake. You slept through the rest of the night and day. Daniella here, took very good care of you, you should thank her.’ The older man winked at him. ‘And, I have other good news. Your friends from the west have arrived. When you are ready, you should get dressed and come down to see them.’
Trivians words made David look down. As he did, he realised he didn’t have his shirt on. He looked up at Daniella. She followed his gaze, then frowned at him. ‘Your shirt was véry dirty; all blood and mud. I could not let you lie down on our bed in such filthy clothes.’
David lifted an eyebrow, but then decided to let it drop.