Bokt.nl

Citaat:

It took me a couple of days to get what I needed to actually run away. I stole some clothes out of a washing basket while a maid went away to get some soap. I decided on the trousers, blouse, vest and hat of one of the students of our gardener to make me less visible on the street, because a women in an expensive dress would not only be a target for thieves, but I would also be more recognisable. I kept the clothes hidden in my room with some food, money and a water bottle I stole and now it was time to wait. The night after I collected everything I needed I did not sleep, but waited for the house to get quiet and then I got out of bed and got ready. I did leave my shoes of so I could walk down the stairs without waking someone up. I went through the side door in the sitting room that lead into the garden, so I could use the protection of the trees to make my way to the main road, without someone seeing me leave. From earlier trips I knew where the sea and the port were, so I decided to go there. In the area everybody knew me or my family. The danger of my parents finding me here was very high. In the morning they would start a search for me and if they would find me I was sure I would not only have to marry, but also never leave the sides of my parents or husband again. I walked the whole night and morning. In the beginning of the afternoon I arrived at the village that made the port. It was like I remembered from the view through the window of our carriage when we went to visit an influential family who had their mansion on top of the cliffs near the port. I never walked on the narrow streets with all its people, horses, carriages and sailors who were the loudest on the street; singing, shouting and talking in and outside the different bars. It was a constant flow of people moving through the street form and to the water’s edge. I had my hair pushed up under the hat that was part of the outfit and my eyes were looking at the ground. Everything to avoid being seen for who I was. The clothes were a little too big, but for me it make me more look like a skinny boy than a girl. I had never been in a bar, but it seemed the place where all the sailors took there drinks and meal and if I wanted to find a ship who would take me, I needed to go in, which did not seemed like such a good plan looking at the rowdy men. Eventually I found a bar where the vibe seemed a little calmer. It was still a bar, but the people inside were sitting on tables and nursing their drinks instead of singing loudly, screaming and shouting. In this bar was where I found August. I ordered a drink that did not smell at all like the sweet wine we had at home, but I needed to fit it. I found a table in a corner where I could view the whole room. Men were sitting talking around the tables, sometimes in the company of a women or two. After a couple of sips of the burning liquid a man walked up to me. I tried to do not put attention on myself, but it seemed he had his eye on me and sat down opposite of me without asking.
‘What’s your deal, love? Looking for a men to spend the night?’
My heart went in my throat. Was this men looking for a boy? Was that even normal? I kept looking down and in a low voice said: ‘No. Just looking for a ship who takes passengers.’
He eyed me up and down and a broad smile appeared on his face. ‘No need to pretend, love. You don’t belong here and you make a pore imitation of a boy.’
Panic rushed through my body. This could not be true. I was not even a day away from home and I was sure my parents were looking for me already. If word got out a girl was sitting in boys clothes in a bar it was just a matter of time my parents would find me. ‘You’re wrong. I’m just looking for a ship to take me away from here.’
He kept smiling. ‘If you say so. Want a better drink?’ He nodded at my glass. ‘You got the worst stuff in the house. The least I can do is be friendly and buy you a better drink.’ He did not wait for an answer, but went up to the bar and came back with two glasses of golden liquid.
I smelled it, before taking a sip from the glass he put in front of me. It tasted a bit like the caramel sweets I ate as a kid. ‘Thank you’ I said and immediately realised I did not change my voice.
‘You’re welcome, love. Seems like you gave up your lie. Lets start over. My name is August. I’m captain of ‘the mermaid’.’
I took another sip. He looked like he was friendly and maybe his ship was my way out of here. ‘I’m Fiona and you were right. I don’t belong here.’
‘I could tell that from a mile away.’ His eye had a childlike twinkle in them. ‘You might be dressed as a boy from the street, but you behave and sound like the posh girls you are. You want to run away from it or not?’
I just looked at him in astonishment. Was it so clear who I was and what I wanted? ‘I...How did you know?’
‘I have seen more boys and girls like you. Born in to suffocating wealth and fortune, but looking for adventure.’
‘I just want to get away from it.’ I took another sip from the glass and discovered that is was already almost empty.
‘I can help you with that. I have a ship and I’m sure you have some money in those pockets. I think we can make a deal, but not with some more to drink. He went back to the bar and came back with an almost full bottle which, on closer inspection, was dark rum.
We spent the rest of the evening talking and eventually we came to a deal. He was smart and used the alcohol to make the deal as profitable for him as possible. It was the oldest trick in the book and I walked directly into it. In the end he brought me back to his ship and put me into bed. I can only say I was lucky it was August who was the one who walked up to me in that bar, because every other sailor or captain would have taken advantage of a young drunk girl, but the only thing he did was sleeping next to me. The next morning was one of a headache and later that day seasickness. The following days went better and soon I found my sea legs and the love for the captain. Soon we became a couple and did more than just sleeping in bed. It was all passionate and eventually I never left the ship, but found my place I was looking for. August never asked about the details of my past and I did the same with him. I did ask him why he went into the sailing business and where he was from, but he only said it did not matter. It was like a silent vow we made. I got used to life on the ship and as the companion of the captain. The men got to know me and I worked on the ship like all the others. The best times where the nights when August was standing on the wheel with me between his arms; looking out over the sea under a sky full of stars. In those moments I felt like the world was ours and life with my parents was forgotten.

While the dog was asleep again, footsteps above me woke me up out of my memories. I gave the little dog a last pet on the head and went upstairs, where August was sitting at the table, a bottle in his hand.
‘You took your time down there. Everything okay: with the dog?’
‘Yes, I...I was just thinking about our first meeting’
‘How much can you actually remember from that love? We went heavy on the rum that night. ‘He raise the bottle in a mock salute.
‘Everything.’ I sat down opposite of him and took the bottle out of his, still raised, hand to take a sip. ‘I must have looked ridiculous. Pretending to be a boy as the posh girl I was.’

Citaat:

‘A bit, but I could understand. You were just out of your element in that bar, but on the other side, you did got into the right bar.’
‘Why?’ I ask. ‘Because you were there?’
He grinned at me. ‘Yes, but also because you did enter a bar full of captains and merchants instead of the one full of drunk sailors.’
I could help but also grin after his words. It was true. I was such an innocent girl without any real life experience and only used to a very protected life. ‘I probably would had a worse time in those bars. I was so innocent at that time.’
‘And then I was there. You became a whole less innocent very quickly.’ He winked at me with a broad grin.
I felt a light blush creep up my neck, because it was very clear what he meant. ‘I see that as a good thing. I didn’t know anything about the world around me at that time. Which made me such an easy target, which you even made use.’
‘I did no such thing’ he joked.
‘Of course not’ I teased him back. ‘You didn’t keep filling up my glass with rum again, so I was easier to manipulate to pay more.’
He pretended to think. ‘Well, maybe a bit, but you liked the rum.’
‘I did.’ I grinned again. In no way I couldn’t agree with him on that point. Rum became my favourite very soon.
‘Again a sign you are supposed to be on a ship, love. Being on land is nothing for you. It just doesn’t suit you.’ He grabbed the bottle out of my hand and took a big sip.
‘I don’t know, August.’ I said honestly. ‘I did like travelling on land for a while. It is so different than being on the sea with nothing but water around you for days on end. The mountains, the lakes, the meadows, the forest; there is so much to see on the way.’
He shook his head. ‘I would miss the wind, the smell, the beautiful night skies and even the storms, but I turned my back to the land and never looked back since then.’
I thought about that for a minute. I could not imagine him living in a house in some village or travelling like I did. How hard I| tried he just did not seem to fit in and I started to giggle.
‘What’s wrong?’ He looked confused at me after my sudden fit of giggles.
‘I just tried to imagine you living on land. It didn’t work.’
He rolled his eyes at me. ‘No surprises there then.’
I giggled again. I was not the type of girl who giggled, but when I was with August it happened often. It was a sign I felt comfortable in his presence. I was even comfortable enough for some playful banter. I was normally always a little careful in company of other people and was a bit reserved and careful of what I said, but with him everything was a bit different, so I decided to push his buttons a little more. ‘Shouldn’t you be on the deck pretending you are to be a grumpy captain anyway? A men of the sea should not hide in his quarters.’
He put the bottle with force on the table and jumped up. ‘You are right. Come on love. Lets go outside and enjoy the elements under a blue sky. We can always hide when it starts to rain.’ He held out his hand for me and I took it.
Outside he walked to the front of the ship and upon the forecastle of ‘the mermaid’; all the way up to the front where we just stood still for a while to look out over the water. I leaned against his shoulder with my head. ‘It is a beautiful sight, maybe you are right’ I mumbled.
‘I’m always right. I’m the captain and even if I’m not right, I’m still right.’
I looked up at him with raised eyebrows. ‘Don’t let the crew hear that, because they might plan to kick your highness of his throne.
He sniggered. ‘I will make sure they won’t then. I like my place on the throne.’
In the distance some clouds were visible and were blown towards us by the wind that started to get stronger, which made the ship move a little more than when we left in calm weather, but I found my sea legs again, so staying upright was no problem, but when wanted to speak again to mock August I could here behind the sound of someone losing his stability and hitting the deck. I turned around and at the bottom of the stairs Morgan was getting to his feet again, while the men who were standing around were laughing at him. I let go of August and walked down the stairs to Morgan. ‘You’re okay kid?’
‘I’m fine, just tripped.’ He kept his eyes down and refused to look around to the men who were still watching him.
‘You will find your sea legs soon, don’t worry.’ I gave him a consoling smile. ‘Now back to work’ I said to him.
From the top August was watching is. ‘Enough monkey watching’ he shouted at the rest of the men. ‘Back to work everyone.’ All the men turned their back and went back to what they were doing.
‘You to Morgan’ I said to the boy.
‘Uh...okay, but I had to get the captain because he is needed at the wheel’ he said with a mumble.
‘Well he is standing there’ I nodded to the top of the stairs. ‘Tell it him yourself.’
‘Yes miss’ he said, but did not move or look in the direction of August.
‘What’s wrong?’ I asked him, but I knew he was just shy. He just needed some time to find his place here and to find some confidence.
‘Nothing miss’ he shrugged my hand from his shoulder and walked halfway up the stairs. ‘Excuse me captain, the quarter master asked me to uh… ask you uh... if you would take over the wheel.’
‘Alright. I will see him. Now back to work you.’ August said looking down at the boy who already shuffled down the stairs. He followed the boy down the stairs to go to the back of the ship, but not without sniggering ‘monkey mother’ when he passed me at the bottom of the stairs, before continuing his way.
I could only shake my head when he walked away. Things were back to normal again. The playful banter and the joking around was all like it was before. I looked at the back of the ship where he was standing at the wheel and I knew he was at home and maybe was I. I was still not sure, but the feeling that I did not know what I was doing was almost gone and was replaced by the growing feeling comfort; the feeling of being home. The rest of the day I wandered around the ship; enjoying the feeling of it all. When the sun started to set I found my way to August again, who was still standing at the wheel. When I walked up the stairs his eyes landed on me.
‘Hello there.’
‘Hey you’ I said. I leaned with my back against railing. How’s it going?’
He looked to the side where I was standing. ‘Were on schedule and no problems yet, but what about you. I watched you walk around every inch of the ship. Is everything to your satisfaction?’
‘I was just rediscovering ‘the mermaid’. That’s all.’ It sounded almost like a defence, but I did not mean it like that. I just needed to see it again. To see my home.
‘I’m not judging love. I just want to know if you are feeling okay. I know you were having a little doubt.’
He did not forget my panic moment, which was a moment I was not proud of. I hated showing my weakness, even with August. ‘Yes, I’m fine again. Just needed some time to adjust, I guess. It went all a little too fast.’
‘Then it’s okay. Now come here, love.’
I walked up to him and with his hand on my back he positioned me in his place. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. ‘Can I?’
‘Always’ was the only thing he said.
I put my hands on the wheel and looked out over the ship. I felt the power of the wind pushing in the sails and the movement of the waves pushing against the wood of the bottom of the ship. It felt amazing and I could feel myself smile.

Citaat:

It always amazed me how different of an experience it was to be standing at the wheel yourself and have your hands on the polished wood so you can feel every push and pull of the elements. Besides me August moved behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and I leaned back into his chest and closed my eyes for a moment, but keeping my hands on the wheel. The order ‘let go and haul’ was given a while back, which meant that we were on course and sails were secured in one place. August probably noticed I was not paying attention because his hand went on top of mine, moving the wheel a bit to ensure we would stay on course and we would not be taken aback, which could be dangerous. If the wind changed too much it was possible it would blow backwards in the sails, which results in a shift in the position of the sale that happened so rapidly that dangerous situations could arise. He might have given the wheel to me, but he could not let anything happen to his ship, his crew and the goods they were shipping; he was the captain after all. I opened my eyes and when he noticed his arms went back around my waist. All this was performed without speaking any words, which was not needed for us. Those little moments made me more comfortable with the whole situation. My eyes went from the blue pallet of water and sky to the deck of the boat. Two members of the crew were on their knees replacing the tar soaked hemp in the seams between the planks on the deck to ensure it was waterproof. It was one of lesser jobs on this ship and to no surprise it were two young boys who got this dirty job, which went down the ranks before it was actually done. All these me were at some point these two boys and got all the worst jobs, so when they climbed in the ranks on the ship they did not think twice about giving the bad jobs they had to do, to the youngest and newest on the ship. I looked again at the two boys on their knees and I felt lucky. As the captains companion I never had to do anything like this. Thinking back where I came from it was weird to feel fortunate when living on a ship with constant influence from the water and weather, drinking cheap booze and living with a constant lack of fresh products and money, but I did. I felt fortunate to live a life like I did because things could have been very different. I would be a married women living a life my parents set out for me including big dresses, maids who would gave me my afternoon tea and a husband who I would try to avoid, because I did not love him. My parents would have their dream marriage, which secured the family fortune in the form of a cooperation between the two families, but it all went a bit different. I never got any hints of my parents looking for me, but I was sure they did or still do. It was just 2 years ago and I was their golden girl. My eye went again to the two boys working on their knees on the deck and it all felt like I was so different. These boys came from the less fortunate families who lived in houses of coast towns where they had only two small rooms for the whole family. Houses where they would cook their meal on stoves who were heated by slightly damp wood, while young children in dirty clothes where playing on the ground and the older boys with their fathers were trying to make some money, so they would not starve to dead. I had seen those boys in the streets when they tried to make money any way they could and they would steal without blinking an eye. Those boys sometimes ended up on a ship, where they did have to work hard, but the stories of adventure made their way into their head and did not leave. Working on a ship was bad, but it was the same or better than what they did when they were home. We were the same in the way that we both went away from home, but I was still the fortunate girl. With or without my parents. I felt the wheel move a bit again, and got woken up out of my thoughts and looked out over the ship again.
‘I think we are getting some bad weather, love’ August said.
I looked ahead and on the horizon some small clouds came drifting our way. ‘It seems so, should we take precautions? Reave the sails?’
‘You sounds like a real Captain now; thinking ahead, but no. We can wait for a bit more and see where the clouds are heading.’
I looked over my shoulder at him. ‘I’m not the captain. I might be standing on the wheel, but you’re the one who is deciding on the course we’re taking.’
A smile appeared on his face. ‘That’s true. That doesn’t mean you don’t have a say in things love. I know we have our differences, but you are a part of the crew, which means you have a say in what we do.’
It almost sounded like he apologised for what happened a year ago, without saying it. ‘That sounds like it’s true. I am as much a part of the crew as young Morgan is.’
‘Ah yes, young Monkey Fletch. He is a bit young for this ship, but I hope he will find his bearings soon.’
I pushed my elbow in his ribs. ‘Don’t call him that. His mother gave him a beautiful name, no need to call him Fletch or a monkey.’
A small huff came out of August after my elbow connected with his ribs. ‘Elbowing isn’t going to help that case’ he said and he put his hands on his ribs. It was just a soft push, but he pretended to be badly hurt. ‘I think you have broken a rib.’
I giggled. ‘How will you ever survive in a bar fight if a girl can break your ribs?’
‘Well, I...’ A loud crack was heard, followed by something hitting the deck just below us.
‘What was that?!’ I looked at August, but he looked as clueless as I was. I left him standing at the wheel and went down the stairs, just to see a small grey dog running out of the now open door, where Morgan was sitting on the threshold. My first priority was the dog, but August witnessed the same thing and started to shout orders.
‘Catch that dog!’ ‘Watch out with the tar!’ Some sailors dropped their work and ran after the little grey ball of fur, while other just stood around, looking confused. ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake! It’s a dog. Just grab it!’ ‘Quarter Master, grab the wheel!’
The dog made a little run around the mast, before it got to scared of the many feet in heavy boots and it made a run for the door, past Morgan’s legs, who just got up and indoors again. I went up to Morgan, who just looked ashamed. ‘What happened, Morgan?’
‘Nothing miss. Just lost my balance while I tried to get up, I guess.’ He looked at his feet.
I could see August coming down from the other side. It seemed the Quarter Master was found and in position.
‘Fletch?! You again. You seem to have a sixth sense for trouble.’
If Morgan was embarrassed when I was there, the Captains presence made it even worse. He was bright red now and still looking at his shoes. ‘Sorry Cap’n. I’m sorry. Won’t happen again’
‘You will lose your balance again if you keep looking at your feet’ said August. ‘Look up.’
He slowly did what he was told, but refused to look August or me in the eye.
‘It seems you have a job to finish’ I said on a friendlier tone than August just used.
‘Yes miss. I will’ and he walked back where he left his bucket of tar and hemp.
August eyes just followed him, until he was sitting on his knees again. ‘Well, that was eventful.’
‘It was’ I said with a small giggle. ‘Poor Morgan. He is a magnet for trouble.’
August just shook his head. ‘I knew that dog was trouble, but in combination with this boy...We are going to see more of this in the future.’ He did not look happy with his own prediction.
‘I think we will’ I said. ‘Let me check if the dog is alright.’ I walked inside and closed the door behind me. The dog was sitting in the far left corner under a small table. The poor thing was terrified.

Citaat:

I sat down next to him to stroke his head. After a short time he stopped shaking so I stood up to find a blanket for him. I found a basket and brought up a blanket from downstairs for him. I rolled him in the blanket and put him in the basket, but kept him in the corner of the room. He looked a lot happier in this place then he was before, so I hoped he was not too shaken up by his little adventure. I sat down again, but someone knocked on the door, so I got up and opened it. It was Morgan.
‘I came to apologise, miss. I’m sorry that I fell through the door and that the dog got out.’
‘It’s okay Morgan, just listen to the Captain’s advice to look up instead of at your feet. It will give you more balance.’
‘Yes, miss. Uh… How is the dog?’
‘It’s okay. It was a little scared, but I think he is fine again.’ I said to him. ‘You can take a look for yourself.’ I gestured him inside. ‘He’s sitting in the basket in the corner.’
He walked inside and sat down next to the basket with the dog. ‘Hello there, little one.’
I closed the door and got out some of the food we had left over from this morning. Some bread, ham and a bottle of rum. ‘Are you hungry Morgan?’
He looked up at me with his characteristics shy look. ‘A bit miss, but I’m used to it.’
‘Good’ I said. ‘Come here and sit at the table.’
He looked at the food on the table and I could see his brain work, before he sat down. ‘Thank you, miss.’
‘You’re welcome. You are work hard, so some extra food might be good for you.’ I gave him a piece of bread with some ham.
He started to eat, while I got the dog and put it on my lap, so I could feed it the ham. ‘Can I ask you something, Morgan?’
He nodded with his mouth full.
‘Why did you decide to leave home and work on a ship?
He shrugged his shoulders and swallowed. ‘I don’t know. It’s better than living on the street.’
‘On the streets? You have a mother, don’t you? What are you doing on the streets?’
‘If we did not bring back money, it was better to not come home that day.’
I started to understand where this boy was from. The poorer the family, the harder they are for their kids. I got my fair share of corporal punishment, but Morgan did not know what a life without it was, at least I did. ‘That doesn’t sound like a nice home you grew up in, but don’t forget that life on a ship isn’t easy.’
‘I know’ he said. ‘I know I have to work hard, but at least I don’t get beaten up every day by my father.’
‘I understand. A lot of our crew members are like you. They started as young boys when they ran away from home. Looking for a better life.’
Morgan looked at his food for a moment, like he was thinking, before he looked at me. ‘What about the Captain? Was he like me?’
‘He did start as a crew member, but I think he was more looking for adventure.’ August never talked about his past in detail and every time I tried to ask him about it I got a vague or general answer, which was for me a signal to let it rest. We all had our demons in the past and letting them rest was sometimes better than talking about it. August did know about me than I did him, but I was okay with it. That did not mean I was not interested where he was from and how he became who he was.
‘I can’t imagine him not being a Captain’ he mumbled.
‘I can’t either, but the thing I know is that he does belong on the sea.’
Morgan stuffed the last bit of his piece of bread in his mouth, which prevented him from talking and made me giggle.
‘I’m glad you like the food.’
He swallowed the last bit before speaking. ‘I did miss, thank you.’
‘You’re welcome. If you want you can have a sip from the Captain’s rum. That must taste better than the stuff they have below decks.’
‘No’ was the only thing he said. He suddenly looked older then he was with this stern and serious look on his face.
‘Can I ask why? All sailors drink, but it looks like you don’t like it.’
‘I don’t, miss. My father always hit us more when he drank. I didn’t like it when he was like that.’
Poor thing. He probably had more scars on his back then on his soul, but it was not uncommon. Men on the sea drank to forget and it was the same for the poorest on land, but boys like this had to take the punches and beatings. ‘I think I understand. You sound like a smart boy.’
‘I’m not. I never went to school, miss. That’s why I’m here.’
‘Well, I think you are. I had personal teachers when I was younger, but I started to be smart when I went travelling on the sea. If you are smart or not doesn’t rely on education only.’
He looked surprised and immediately after he looked away, trying to hide it. ‘So you weren’t like me, because I never even went to school. I can’t even imagine having a personal teacher.’
I did not wanted to give too much away. Which was my way of protecting myself from my parents and my past. Only August knew the details. ‘I am not, Morgan.’
He looked a bit ashamed after my short answer. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Nothing to be sorry about, Morgan.’ You can ask, but the past is the past for me. I left that behind a while back.’
‘I should go back to work.’ He still had a small blush on his face.
‘That sounds like a good idea. Go. Before they’re starting to miss you.’
He left the quarters and closed the door behind him. I busied myself with cleaning the leftovers after I put the dog in his basket for his afternoon nap. It was almost evening when I went outside. In the forecastle the cook was making an evening meal for the crew. Due to bad weather and the danger of lighting the ship on fire during those times the crew did not always get a hot meal, but when the ship was steady a hot meal was made from the dried fish or meat and bread or crackers. It was almost impossible to have fresh fruit or vegetables on the ship, but we took some on board for the first days on the trip. There was however lime juice to compensate for this. It prevented a lot of health problems on board. I looked ahead and the clouds that were visible on the horizon came closer and closer. That was the reason the cook was making an early dinner, so the crew would get hot food. From above my head August was shouting at the crew to reave the sails for the coming storm and men climbed into mast to obey his commands. ‘Hurry up or there is no ship left when the bad weather hits!’ he yelled loudly at the men above his head. I went up the stairs again, like I had before earlier and found my spot against the railing again.
‘Hello love. Everything alright downstairs?’
‘Yes. The dog is fine again and Morgan came to apologize, so I gave him a piece of bread with ham.’
‘Monkey mother’ was the only thing August said.
I went over to him and punched him playfully on the arm. ‘I’m not. He just felt sorry for what happened.’
‘He should be. He is causing trouble with these stunts.’
‘I told him to follow your advice to look up instead of his feet. It might help.’
August just made a huffing sound. ‘Maybe. It wouldn’t work against him, at least. I don’t know if he will ever find his feet here.’
‘I think he will. He has the same look in his eyes as you do. The one that is looking for adventure.’
‘I haven’t seen it yet’ August said.
I did not reply but looked at the steam and smoke coming out of the kitchen. It seemed they just had enough time to make a decent meal before the clouds could reach us with bad weather, but the wind already was stronger than earlier today.

Citaat:

I could feel the cold getting in my bones and I wrapped my coat a little closer around me to protect me from it, while simultaneously moving a bit closer to August to shield myself from the wind. He held one hand on the wheel, but he wrapped one arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him.
‘Thanks’ I mumbled a bit flustered.
He just pulled me a bit more against him and kept staring out over the water and in the distance where the clouds where gathering, which was always a bad sign when you where a ship out on sea and I could only hope it was not foreshadowing something else. Which might sound like a pessimistic way of thinking, but superstition was always part of life on a ship and as much as I do not believe in it when I think logically about it, but when you live on a ship, superstition is so much part of daily life that you get used to it and use it more than you might think and that includes tales of mermaids, which were considered a bad omen, just like those clouds felt for me. On the deck below men started to queue up with wooden bowls for the last meal of the day, which by the smell was the basic slightly watery and salty soup and dry ship crackers that they normally had, but I knew the captain would eat a bit better. You always have a lot of limitations regarding food on a ship, but it was a fact that the captain ate the best here was on the ship. Which resulted in the best food for the captain, his companion and a dog. And of course Morgan if he came knocking on the door again. I really felt for the boy and even if August was not sure about him, I know he just needed some time to adjust to a different life and the look in his eyes was like August. This boy was probably made for adventure and travel, even if he does not know or believe it yet. And I know that sounds like something a phony fortune teller would tell a client who would like to hear that, but I do mean it, but I could not find the right words. It was that look that August had at the moment, looking out over the water. We stood there in silence for quite I while. Both complete devoured by their own thoughts, until the quartermaster walked up the stairs, clearly finished with his meal from which only some crumbs on his clothes where left. August noticed him coming up the stairs and as a well-practiced routine they changed places. The quartermaster standing behind the wheel, keeping an eye on the horizon, while August walked down the stair, with me following in his footsteps. We ate some soup that the cook had made especially for us with extra fresh ingredients and we had bread instead of the dry ship crackers. Also the bottle of captain’s rum came also on the table. We had a quite meal, like our silence when we were standing on the wood above our heads, but this time August his eyes were not focussed on the water, but on me. Between looking at his food and the rum his eyes every time came back to me and mine came back to him. It felt like we were observing each other in the comfort of our own private surrounding of the captain’s quarter, where time was not of importance at this point. We just took as much as we needed to look and rediscover. It all felt very natural and it was like we finally created a space where we were both comfortable enough we could really look instead of look, but not see what was there. Maybe we never did see what was there or maybe we just needed to re-see what was there, which we did not give ourselves time for until now. Whatever it was, it was what we needed. During our meal I could feel the waves get higher and eventually the rain started falling down on the wooden deck of the ship, making an almost rattling noise that collided with the sounds of waves crashing into the ship which made the wood creak and the splashes of water hitting the deck, while from outside the voices mixed with the sounds of nature, but it all felt like it was happening outside our little bubble of comfort we created together, but deep down I knew it could not last forever. Not only because soon August had to go outside to help manoeuvre the ship through a storm, but also because it was us. We always travelled and ended up in adventure, if we wanted or not at that moment, but whatever happened we always where ahead of where our feet where actually touching the ground. It was a way of life where we both could live without the memories of the past catching up with us, but in retrospect this was maybe our grates flaw. Who knew we needed time to stop walking in front of our own feet and wait, or at least, that is what it seemed to be. We finished our dinner and while I was pushing some crumbs of the table on the ground for the dog to eat I felt two strong arms around my waist and the only thing I could do was smile and lean back against August.
‘You are beautiful, you know that’ he said.
I could not help myself and turned my head and kissed him. I never felt beautiful and because of my life on land I felt even less beautiful then I normally did, but hearing him saying it which such sincerity that I could do nothing else but believe that he actually thought I was beautiful and knowing that made my heart grow for him even more. I turned around in his arm and wrapped my around his neck, without breaking the kiss and savouring the feeling of his strong arm, warm body and rough lips on which I could taste the sweet, sticky rum we just had. When we both pulled back I could feel and see a smile on both our faces with eyes full of emotion, which I might even call love, but which I would not say out loud.
‘Thank you’ was the only thing I could say and it carried more than just the appreciation for calling me beautiful.
‘You’re welcome, love’ said August before leaning down and trailing kisses down my neck.
I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling, before he pulled back for which I made a grumpy mumbling sound of disappointment.
He let his arms slip from my waste and grabbed my had, so we could both walk down the stairs to the sleeping area of his quarter and make it ours.

(3.)
The following morning I woke up alone, but the memory of last night kept me company and I knew August had to get back to being a captain, which I did not mind. It was one of the reasons why I loved him. He was a great captain that pulled his weight on this ship, which meant getting out of bed after we finally really found each other. I washed myself with the cloth that was hanging out of the bowl of water got dressed. I could still fill the ship move a great deal on the waves, but there was no sound of rain as far as I could here, which hopefully meant I slept through the whole storm. Upstairs I grabbed some leftover bread of yesterday, picked up the puppy from its basket in the corner and went outside, where the sky was almost clear again, but the waves were still crashing into the ship, occasionally splashing some members of the crew and parts of the deck with salty water. The morning cold pushed itself through my coat, just like the wind had done the evening before, but this time I did not care as much, because I knew the men standing behind the wheel would keep me warm, every time I needed it. I put the dog on the ground, who apparently learned his lesson and stayed close to my feet and even got up the stairs when I walked up to August. This time he turned to me, put his hand on my waist and kissed me.
‘Good morning, love’ he said with a slightly raspy voice.
‘Good morning. I missed you this morning’ I said with a mock sad look.
He lowered his head and kissed me again. ‘Sorry love, but we had a bit of bad weather.’
‘I know, I know. It is okay.’ I looked at the small dog who was sniffing at my feet and August followed my line of sight, looking at the grey ball of fur.

Citaat:

‘Are you sure that dog isn’t going to be trouble when he is on deck like this. The last time he was out...well lets say it wasn’t really successful.’
‘Don’t worry’ I said. ‘I think he learned from his mistake from last time.’
August just glared at the dog with a mistrusting look in his eyes. ‘If you say so or so help me God.’
‘I do say so’ I said with confidence and more than a bit challenging.
August moved his eyes from the dog to me and his whole face changed from mistrusting to, I could only describe as, glowing. ‘God, you’re pretty’ he said with a broad smile.
I felt a blush appearing on my face under his eyes and after his words it only became worse. I looked down to avoid is piercing eyes. ‘I don’t feel beautiful’ I mumbled.
I felt that August was shaking his head. ‘You might not, but you are. Even better when you are dressed as a pirate instead of a poor traveller like you where before.’
‘A pirate, is that how you see me?’ I looked at him again. He sure did look like some sort of pirate, but I never felt like I looked like one. I mostly looked like a girl in clothes that could take the elements.
‘Yes, a female version of it, but a pirate nonetheless. It suits you.’
I could not help but smile. Being a pirate was a compliment when it came to looks for me. It might not me the most legal of lives, but in every sailor there was a pirate and most pirate captains had a great sense of style. You might even say they were all dandies in their way, instead of scruffy and smelly men. They might be like that because they needed something from a government who looked down on the stereotype of the dirty pirate. They wanted to legalise their job. Some ships with a captain who had a letter of marque and reprisal where legally allowed to attack vessels and capture enemies, which was just legalized piracy in my opinion, but for the law they were legally employers of the government. It was all relative and the only thing you needed was a piece of paper to go from illegal to legal. I always looked at those letters as very questionable, not in the least because the holders of those letters where not always fair in the way they enforced the power that was given to them. Maybe it was better to be working in the legal trading business like we were now. Even when it meant it was less easy to pay the crew and still have enough to eat for ourselves. I knew it was a constant in the back August’s mind, even if he did not talk about it and he did not like to admit it was a worry for him, which I could understand. It was his pride to be a great and fair captain without showing the worries he had, so he always acted like he knew what he did and what was coming, even if he could not. This might sound like I understand him, but this was a recent feeling, because I believed not understanding him was one of the causes of what happened between us that drove apart. His pride was in the way of telling me what job he took, so we could pay our crew and eat our meal and finding out that he took illegal jobs without telling me about it and even lying about it was the major conflict. It hurts to realise that the men you shared a year of your life with does not trust you enough to tell what he is doing to keep you and the crew alive. I put all my trust, my life in his hands without thinking twice about the decision I made when he asked me to join him on his ship. It was not just ‘good businesses, but finding a safety line in a life where I was not sure of anything and rather clueless. I was and am grateful of what he did for me, but those bonds can break and they did. They shattered in a thousand pieces when I found out what happened and even more when I confronted him and he was lying to my face. Now I knew he was just trying to protect his pride and now I can understand, but at that point I could not. I was furious with him for breaking my heart and violating my complete trust in him. In my year on land I could reflect on my almost childish behaviour, but that did not mean it did not still hurt somewhere. I was young, very young, but I was not much older now. Smarter maybe, but it was not fully my fault. There was a part of this story that was the fault of the men standing next to me with his arm around my waist. I was deep in thought, while August was actually sailing a ship when, from the top of the mast the words ‘land ahead!’
It were the words that woke me up out of my thoughts and I think it was the same for August, who dropped his arm from my waist and started to shout orders to his crew to get to work and prepare of docking the ship eventually. The grey dog at my feet jumped up, but before it could run away in fear and make another scene I could grab it and hoist it up in my arms. I quickly put the dog in his basket in the Captains Quarter before going on deck and manoeuvre through the men running around following the orders shouted at them. I went up the front castle to look out over the water and see the first bit of our destination. It took us a while to get anything close to the rocky coast and even longer to manoeuvre such a big ship into the docks of port city. I came here before and it was one of the common ports ships docked and traded, but looking out over the docks and the people on land I noticed something different. It was not the very dynamic place with crowded street full of women in colourful dresses that where local fashion or men in their long linen trousers and in-between small children and sailors of all kind. This time I just could see some men in their typical white trousers and a few sailors unloading or loading ships, but the thing that actually suppressed me where the men in uniform with swords on their sides walking up and down the water’s edge. A few of them where watching some sailors loading crates and some others were talking to one of the captains in what seemed a heated discussion if I translated the broad hand gestures and angry looks of the captain and the stern faces of the men in uniform. In the time between my visits this town seemed to have transformed from an exotic and friendly, yet a bit unorganized trading post into a stiff and unfriendly place where no person seemed to like it. I quickly walked up to August who was waiting for some men to make it physically possible to go on land by putting a walking plank from the ship to land and I could see the worry in his face. Young Morgan was almost falling over the railing by the sight of a new place, but the more experienced men stayed back a bit. They observed the same hostile surrounding I just did. A few uniformed men already walked up to ‘the mermaid’ while August and I set food on land, with the Quarter Master just behind us. He instructed the crew to stay on the ship, until he got the official approval of the dock master, which was nowhere to be seen. Last time the dock master was an older men with a grey beard and a skin so think from the live on sea that he looked almost ancient instead of just old. He always asked for a small payment to stay in the dock and informed workers from certain warehouses to come and pick up the goods.
‘Gentlemen’ August said politely nodding his head to them. ‘We have some goods for some people in this town and would like to unload them as soon as possible, so we...’
‘Shut up’ the men in the middle said with an angry voice while he stepped forward. ‘I am not sure who you are, but you don’t look like someone I would like, so listen carefully.’
August shut up by the unwelcome treatment, but nodded when he was asked to listen. The Quarter Master and I just stayed behind him, watching what was happening without understanding what it was exactly.

Citaat:

‘...we can do this two ways, or you do what I say or I will make your life very difficult.’
August was smart enough no agree with a nod.
‘Good. If you have goods to deliver, you can load them on land, under supervision of my two men here. They will search your crates for forbidden goods and you will pay them for docking and for they work here. Understood?!’
‘I do, but can I assure you, we are just shipping legal goods. We will unload crates with high quality cotton and nothing else for this port’ with a face that looked not very happy with the treatment he got from the local law enforcement.
‘We will decide what’s legal’ the man on the left said. He spat his words out between almost closed lips.
‘As you say so’ was the only thing August said, before turning around and barking some orders at the men who were leaning over the railing of the ship or hanging around on deck. All of them came into movement at once after hearing the order. The Quarter Master did what he always did, staying on land and supervising that everything went well. I followed August who angrily pushed the doors of his quarter open with the force that was fuelled by his anger. I closed the doors after him and turned around to see him pacing up and down the room.
‘August...’ I said.
He stopped in his way and looked at me, almost like he just noticed me there.
‘I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m sure we can work it out. We’re here just for a day.’ I tried to sound convincing, but the whole experience made me anxious. Things changed around here a lot since we were here last time and not for the better. Last time I was here I made some friends, who lived on the edge of the town in the countryside and seeing how things were going here did not bode well for what was happening for the people who lived here.
‘No we cannot work it out. Those bastards are looking for money and I’m sure we will have to pay up for every last thing we want to bring on land, including ourselves.’ He started pacing again.
I walked up on him wrapped my arms around him to stop him from getting even more angry. He stopped in his pace and let me hug him for a moment before I let go. ‘What is going on August? How can things change so fast? The last time everything was fine.’
He looked down at me with a defeated look. ‘I’m not sure, but a rapid change like this is never good and I don’t feel particularly welcome here, if I’m honest. That’s all I know.’
I sighted. I hoped for a bit of knowledge or inside, but it seemed August knew as much as I did. ‘I am worried August’ I said with a small voice while hugging him again, this time for my own comfort. ‘What is happening here? And what if Maria is in trouble.’
‘Ah, your infamous friend for the fisherman incident?’ August knew very well who Maria was and that she lived just outside this town, but he did not shy away from a change to remind me of the bit of trouble we got ourselves into. He was the hero in that story who saved to damsels in distress or so he says so.
‘Yes, that Maria. I mean, things are not going well and judging by the amount of people on the street compared with last time...’ I paused.
‘I know, but she is strong. I’m sure she is fine.’
I was not convinced. ‘And what if she is not? What is she is in trouble and we don’t visit her. It’s not we can’t visit while we are here. I would love to see her again, you know.’
‘It will take us at least 2 hours to get there, love. I don’t like staying here longer then we have to.’
I thought about it. I could not disagree with him. Staying here was not one of my preferred things to do, but seeing Maria was kind of important for me. ‘Well if we unload and sort everything out, then we can go to her and bring some food with us for the evening. I am sure she has a place for us to stay the night and we can go back in the morning.’
August looked down at me again. ‘Well, if you put it like that and if everything goes right it might be possible.’
I smiled and placed a quick kiss on his lips. ‘See, we will figure it all out.’
‘Lets see, love. I still don’t have...’ Shouting started outside and from what I could hear it was the Quarter Master. ‘That sounds like trouble. Time to figure that out too?’ August let me go and walked quick out of the quarter with me not far behind. On the deck we could confirm it was the quarter master. He was shouting at the 2 men who where doing their job, like instructed. They were breaking open crates to look inside, but instead of doing it systematically and without damaging the goods, they were throwing crispy white, cotton sheets on the dirty ground. When August got sight of what was happening he ran down the walking plank.
‘Gentlemen?! What are we doing?’ The men looked up, while the quarter master was standing next to them, looking ready to punch someone.
‘Our job. You are going to pay a lot for this’ one of them said tauntingly. It seemed like it was in their job description to get under everyone’s skin.
‘I can see that, but that does not imply that you have to damage our goods’ August said surprisingly more clam then moments before when he was pacing inside. ‘I don’t think you are getting anything out of damaging our goods, instead you are just making me angry. Which can, and will result in less cooperation from my side when you start to talk about money, so I would advise you to place the sheets back into the crates.’
Both of them did not reply directly to this, but they did however changed their behaviour. I was still standing on the deck, against the railing to watch this whole spectacle. The quarter master still looked angry, but August his calm manner had an effect on him and at least he did not look like he was going to punch the first person that come into his vision. While I was looking at all this Morgan came to stand next to me.
‘Is this normal?’ He asked.
‘No, this is not normal, Morgan, but we have to deal with it for now.’
He looked up at me, apparently he not only found his feet, but also challenged his shyness. ‘What’s wrong then?’
I collected my thoughts and then answered: ‘I don’t know, but thing have changed a bit since we were last here. It was a friendly port like many others, when you are a sailor, but it seemed things have changed. I mean, there are people on the streets and the bars are open, but it isn’t the same. There should be a lot more people walking around and less people in uniform.’
Morgan looked like he was thinking very hard. ‘Those men, in those white trousers, like that one...’ he pointed at one of the few local men in view ‘what are they? They look weird.’
I smiled. ‘Not what, Morgan. Who. They are the locals here.’
‘Ow...’ was his rather unintelligent response, but his face convinced me his mind was working. ‘And the men in uniform?’
‘Those are possibly locals, but they are the law enforcement here. If you get of board try to avoid them. They don’t seem very friendly.’
‘I think they are mean.’ His response might have been typical for his age, but I could only agree with him.
‘Yes, they are.’
I kept my eyes on those men and it seemed they finished damaging our goods. After some discussion it was soon clear August had to pay quite a bit for all of this and he did, but with a face that looked like he was the one, this time, who wanted to punch someone. After they two men walked away August send the quarter master out to find the workers in the warehouse so they could take the crates away and he told his crew to get some rest, while appointing some people to stay on the ship to guard it. Little Morgan ran past me, nearly fell of the plank and made a jump for the land, where he finally ended on two feet, before walking away. He might have found his sea legs, but he was not out of trouble yet when he became overconfident like this.