Bokt.nl

Citaat:

After days of travelling over dusty roads with the summer sun burning on my head, I arrived at the little village. It was exactly how I left it behind. Some small farms and a little tavern on the side of an endless dusty road, but for me it was a place of memories and a place of rest. Finally my horse could stay overnight in a stable with straw and eating local hay, instead of eating the dry grass we could find once in a while at the side of the road. He lost weight during our travel and I felt responsible for it. This horse was my companion and my life saver on multiple occasions, and the only thing I gave him was not enough food and water. It was too longs since we went past a village; too long since we both ate decent food. He could rest in the tavern's stable while I regained energy inside with food, some mouldy wine and a bed. The tavern was like I left it behind. Wooden tables and benches under a low ceiling. Even the people where the same as I remembered. The old bearded man in the corner, like he never moved from his spot, some farmers around a table with a beer in front to end a days work and the female tavern owner behind the bar, cleaning up some spilled beer left behind on the bar. She looked up when I entered, but only spoke when I stood at the bar.
"How can I help?"
"A meal, some wine and a bed for tonight, please" and I put the correct money on the bar, so she knew I could pay for what I asked.
She took note of the money and nodded. "Sit down and I will bring you your food. There is a room for you upstairs."
I took my place at an empty table near the bar and soon after the wine arrived. I pored myself a glass and tasted. It was lightly sweet, but mostly sour with a mouldy after taste, but at this time it was the best wine you could give me. It was the wine for a thirsty traveller. Not long after the food arrived. A piece of meat, some potatoes and some local vegetables made a heavy meal that was the food of hard workers. It tasted amazing, but everything tastes good when you did not eat for 2 days. After I finished my food in record time I went back to sipping my wine and enjoying the warmth of the alcohol. It took me a while to register and I blame my tiredness and the wine, but the woman behind the bar was looking at me. When our eyes meet she turned away and walked into the small kitchen, but it did not take her long. She came back and walked strait to me.
"I think this is for you" she said and she gave me a closed envelope. On the front my name was written and when I look at the back I knew who sent me this. I could clearly see the A and M as the seal impression. It was from him. Without hesitation I broke the seal and pulled out the letter.

Hello love,

I do not know when you will get your letter and when you will return to this little dirty village you love, but I know you will pass it on your travels and I know you will eat, drink and sleep in this old, dusty tavern with its bad wine. I remember our night here the day we almost arrested for stealing those apples and I know you will eat the same food, drink the same wine and sleep in the same bed and I hope when you do, you will think of me and about the good, and bad, times we shared. I hope you will remember the sea, even if you have been on land for a long time. I hope you will remember the ship because she misses you.

When you left we travelled back to the east to buy new supplies and goods we could sell. We visited almost every port in the east and made quite a lot of money during our travels. The crew worked hard, as they should under my command, but also had the night off in every port. I know you can disapprove of the way they behave, but you know that they are men of the sea and when they are on land, they need to forget the hard work and enjoy themselves. I know you teached some of the worst cases a lesson during your time on the ship and I know they will remember.

At the end of summer we will go back west and that is why I sent you this letter. I know you needed to leave and get your feed back on solid ground instead of a moving ship, but I hope you will miss the sound of the waves when they roll under the ship, the feeling of the wind in your hair when you where standing next to me during those long nights, watching the most beautiful skies full of stars. I hope you miss the feeling of the ship and I hope you miss the captains quarter, a place I call home, and a place you can call home whenever you want.

I know our goodbye was not the best, but my wish is that I will see you at the end of summer. I would love to see you waiting at the edge of the water. To see the sea wind playing with your hair when your eyes are locked on the horizon, waiting for the ship, but I know that is a wish and only will be a wish, but I hope you miss the sea at least a little. Maybe a visit to the edge of the land will do you good and it will be a nice change from dusty roads. Visit the port and see if you still do not miss the sea. You might not know it, but it is in your eyes: you belong to the sea. You are to wild and to free to live on land forever.

If I do not see you at the port then I know you are not ready to return. Then I know you will need more time and I will return to the sea, but I will go back and I will wait for you. I will come back every time at the end of summer and I will look out for you, but know that I can not wait forever. I gave you space and time, but I do not know how long I can live without your smile, your sparkling eyes and your support. You showed me how good life can be and you changed my road to darkness. I can say you saved me. I hope you will let me save you from a soulless live on land.

Captain August Macdonnell

The next morning I saddled my horse and with food in my saddle bags I left the village in a hurry. It would be a long ride until I was at the sea, but I knew he was waiting for me and I knew I was waiting for him. I had seen trees, roads, mountains and plains for over a year and now it was time to go back home. I would ride to the end of the road and the beginning of the sea.

Citaat:

Two days and a lot of galloping later I could see the port in the distance and it was the first time in a year I saw the sea. It filled me with a feeling of nostalgia and memories and I realised that maybe I missed the sea more that I admitted to myself during my time on land. The blue and green with the the white tops of foam on the waves, the mast of the ships moving slowly on the waves, the suns reflection in the water, the salty smell of the sea and the wind in my hair. It was busy as usual on the docks and I manoeuvred my horse through the fishermen, boats men and other people who crowded the streets that lay around the edge where land and sea connected. When I was at the beginning of the area where the big ships docked I dismounted my horse en led it by hand. I looked at every ship, looking for a sign that he was here, waiting for me. When I came close to the end I started to realise he was not here and that I was to late and the knot in my stomach got even tighter, but then, at the end, the last ship, I saw what I was looking for. The dark blue of a mermaids dress and the yellow that resembled her blond hair besides the name in white painted letters: The Mermaid. I tied my horse to a ring on a wall of the nearest building and walked back to the ship. I could not see anybody on the deck and I suspected that most of the men where in town to relax or do some business and I could only hope August was present on the ship somewhere. My boots made the sounds of heavy steps when I walked up the plank to the boat, but it did not seem anybody noticed it until I set foot on the deck. To the right the doors to the captains quarters opened and through it he stepped outside. His eyes a little closed to the bright sun with his darked leather hat, his dark green and black coat with under it a white shirt, his dark trousers with small damage of the weather on it and the heavy brown boots. He turned his head to see who set foot on his boot and when he saw it was me a smile lighted up his face. I could not help but feel the same smile on my face.
"I see you got my letter, love."
I nodded "yes, I did and I came back." We both did not move from our spot on the deck and the tension of the way we split up a year ago was still noticeable in the air.
"Good, I can see in your face you missed the sea" he said.
"I did. And I missed you." For a moment I did not realise what I said and I was afraid what the effect of my word had and what I should do now, but then he took charge and stepped forward. When he moved I felt myself move also. Somewhere in the middle we met and he wrapped his arm around my middle. I put my arms around his neck. It felt so comfortable and so normal that we stood there, savouring the moment, before we let go. His smile got even bigger when I looked in his face and I could see the light in his eyes.
"I missed you too, love and so did she." By she he meant his beloved ship. Which he mentioned by different, to sweet names for a captain to use, but he did. It was something I loved about him and it reflected his softness that was hidden most of the time.
"I missed her too" I said while I let my hand feel the wood of the railing before looking up at the top of the masts where ropes and sails where waiting in silence before the could feel the strength of the wind again.
He put his hand on my back and move me to the doors of his quarter. "Come inside, love. You should get that dirt out of your hair and from your clothes, because you look like a child of the land and not of the sea at the moment." A wrinkle appeared when his eyes looked over my body that was all covered in a dust form the roads I travelled over, but before we could go inside I stopped him.
"I want to August, but I still have some things to do before I can officially come back." The look of disappointment in his face was clearly visible and I realised that my words sounded stronger then they were meant to be. "I mean, I have to sell the horse and get some new clothes that are in better shape then what I'm wearing now. That's all."
The disappointment was gone almost immediately after my words and the smile reappeared on his face. "Okay, I will let you go for now, but promise you will be as soon as you did your selling and buying."
"I will" I promised him and I placed a quick kiss on his cheek before turning around an going back to the horse who was patiently waiting where I left it. I walked with the horse to one of the back streets and found the place where I bought it almost a year ago. The men inside was not really keen on buying the horse back, but after some strong stubbornness from my side he paid almost everything I paid back and took the horse. It was sad to see my travel companion leave, but I did not have a choice. There was no place on a ship for a horse. As I walked back to the water I passed a small market and in one of the first stands I noticed some puppies is a basket next to the fish with a sign that said 'for sale'. I stopped to take a look and immediately one of the puppies came to the edge of the basket to smell my hand. He was grey with a white marking on his chest and had blue eyes, unlike the rest of his brothers and sisters, who all had eyes in different shades of brown. He would make a nice companion, I thought, and a nice replacement for my other travel companion who I left behind at the horse dealer. I picked him up and then the woman behind the stand noticed me.
"He is yours for 10 golden coins" she said with a harsh voice.
I could not believe she was seriously asking almost the same as I just got back from selling the horse, but I knew I could play this game. "I'll take it for 2 silvers."
"Not a change. He is worth way more, you stupid girl."
Calling me stupid did not hurt me, because I knew it was only a strategy to sell. "Than name your price."
The woman took a second and then said: "5 golds."
It was still way to high. "No. I will make it 4 silvers."
"That not enough for a nice dog like that" she said. "It's 1 gold".
I knew we were close to a price. "I will pay you 5 silvers and that is it" I said.
The woman looked at me and then said: "okay, 5 silvers and the dog is yours."
I gave her 5 silvers and took the dog with me. On my way back to the ship I got myself a new white shirt, a nice looking jacket and a pair of good quality trousers. At the dock I could see August leaning on the railing and looking into the crowed of people and I could only smile, because I knew he was looking for me. I walked up to the ship and he waited for me at the end of the plank. On the deck he noticed the little grey dog in my arms.
"Oh no, you didn't" was his first reply.
I looked at the little puppy and then at August. "Oh yes, I did."
"You got rid of the horse, but got a dog instead?" His disbelieve was noticeable in his voice.
"Well, I couldn't take a horse on a ship, now could I. This was the best next thing to fill the gap the horse left behind. I need a travel companion."
His disbelieve did not leave his face after my explanation. "And what am I then? I thought I was your travel companion again?"
I smiled at these words. It was good to know I had someone standing next to me on my travels, so the lonely feeling that could sneak up on you while you are travelling would not be there so much. "You are my handsome captain" I said to console him.
He snickered. "Well, I think I can live with that title."
"Good. Because I wasn't planning on leaving the dog behind, only because he stole your title" I said teasingly. "Now stop complaining about your bruised ego and let me change out of these clothes."
"Now there's a plan" he said, again with a snicker. "You still look like a land rat."
I walked into the opened doors of his quarter and down the stairs in the back of the room. His bedroom was like I left it behind. The same dark wood, the single bed with almost grey sheets, a small table and a bowl of water against the wall. I put the dog on the bed where he immediately fell asleep and I quickly washed and chanced clothes before I walked up the stairs. Leaving the dog asleep on the bed.

Citaat:

August was leaning against when I came up the stairs. He took a moment to look me up and down, before saying anything. I did not mind his eyes, but it did feel like he was judging me a bit, but I could not blame him. I did need another look and better clothes when I would live on a ship with the salt and water always around you.
‘You look good’ he said after a while.
I might have blushed a little at his comment, but both of us did not acknowledged it. Then he pushed himself from the table and walked to a dark corner to get something. I could not see what, but when he turned around he had my old hat in his hand. I bought it for me the first day we meet. He walked to me and put it carefully on my head.
‘Now you are complete’ he said with a smile.
I smiled at him. ‘Thank you for keeping my head here’ I said.
He just smiled, but I knew it meant a lot to us both. ‘Now’ he said. ‘Lets get a drink, because I think we both need one. When was the last time you had rum?’
I tried to remember and soon realized it was just before I left the ship. ‘Too long.’
‘I guessed as much, come on.’ We went outside and got on land where soon after we found a bar. It was full of men who worked near or on the sea. For me it felt like home. Every port had a handful of these bars and it was not only a place for hard working men to relax an evening and find some female company, but also a place where a captain could find work. August and I found table in a corner and I sat down. He went to bar and came back with some small glasses and a full bottle of rum, like expected, but behind him 2 men where following him.
They both where dressed to good, or less filthy, then most men in the bar and that could only mean one thing. They had a job for us. All 3 sat down at our table while August filled the glasses with a generous shot of rum from the bottle we got together.
‘Gentlemen, met my companion Fiona. Fiona, these are the Peterson brothers. They are looking for a trustworthy way to transport some goods across the sea.’
‘Gentlemen’ I said with a small nod of my head as a way of greeting them and they returned the gesture.
August sat down next to the brothers, across where I was sitting. ‘Before we talk business, let’s have a drink’ he said, raising his own glass. We all followed his example. ‘To good business’ he toasted.
‘To good business’ we replied and took our drinks. What the two men did not notice was that both August and I spilled half of our drinks when we took the shot. It was an old trick to keep a clear head, while the other party got at least a bit tipsy, so they were easy to influence when talking about money. It all was and felt so familiar, like nothing changed since I left the ship to go out on my own, but of course things had changed. When I left I said goodbye to my life with August, knowing that it would break my heart, but also knowing there was not another way. We loved and hated each other and the passion chanced for the worst. Sometimes you meet someone who makes you better and sometimes you meet someone who make you worse. We had a bit of both, but I the end we got the worst out of each other and it effected not only us, but also the people around us. Now I was back and everything is like it was when all things were good. I did not know what to expect for the future and how thing would work out. And if I am honest with myself I still do not know. For now it is going well and I could only hope it would not change. I loved playing my part on the ship and during the process on land like we were doing now. Somewhere in a bar, making a deal for the next trip. It was my job to play the softer female and to pretend to sympathise with the other party.
‘Now gentlemen, tell me, because my partner here did not elaborate, how much do you want to ship and to where precisely.’
The brother closest to me cleared his troth. ‘It is about 50 crates that we want to ship to Zahwa as soon as possible. We are looking for a trustworthy ship and captain who can do the job.’
‘That sounds like something we are able to do’ I said. ‘And I can assure you that my partner here is the captain with the ship you are looking for. He might not me the talker, but he does his job damn well.’
The men listened in silence to me and only occasionally looked at August, who was sitting calmly in his chair, waiting for me to finish my performance. When I did finish it was his turn.
‘Zahwa is on our route and we have space left for 50 crates below decks, so it is only about the price. I can offer you a deal of 8 golds per crate’
The men looked a little taken back and maybe even slightly angry at the price, but this was just the beginning. As traditions go, August filled our glasses again, so we could drink before they came with a counteroffer. All of us took downed it in one go. It would be to no surprise that August and I both only had half of what was in the cup, but this time we both lowered our glasses beside us after drinking and the leftover rum went on to the floor. It worked like a well-trained dance performance. After the drink it was my time in this performance again.
‘I can imagine 8 per crate might be a bit much. Maybe we can make it 5 per crate for you?’ It was still too much but this normally worked. By first giving an absurd high price and then lowering it you pretend to make a nice deal for them, but the truth is that it is still too much. This only works if the other party does not get the chance to make an offer, so you had to be quick to give a lower price, but August and I knew when to talk and how much time you normally could take in this situation and that was just what August did. He took his chance and started to speak, before the brothers could argue.
‘Well, it is a very nice price indeed, but Zahwa is far. I am not sure my partner realises how far it is. I can’t agree with that price.’
‘Well, see him playing the big boss’ was my fake, but convincing angry reply/
‘Big boss?!’ August replied with an even fake, but convincing annoyance. ‘Well Fiona, we might be partners in this, but it is my ship. We make no money with 5 per crate.’
‘We don’t make any without those crates and only lose money on it’ I said.
‘Fine’ he said to me after pretending to thing for a short moment and then turned to the brothers. ‘It is 5 per crate and I can tell you now you should take it. And only because my partner here suggested it, which is not like I want it, but I don’t have a choice now.’
The brothers mumbled something to each other before one of them spoke. ‘That’s a deal then. We can deliver the crates tomorrow morning to the ship.’
‘Then we have a deal’ August said. ‘I want half paid upfront and the other when you deliver the goods.’
One of the brothers only nodded in agreement before taking out a bundle and put gold pieces on the table until there was a total of 125 in 5 ‘ers on it.
August took the money and put it in his coat pockets. ‘Pleasure doing business with you, gentlemen.’
‘The pleasure is all ours’ replied one of the brothers. I t surprised me that only one of them spoke with us, but maybe it was the way they functioned. I could not be bothered about that right now. We had a job, we had money and it was almost time to sail out. When they left our table (and the bar) August just looked at me with a big grin before sitting down next to me.
‘Nice performance, love.’
‘Just like old times’ I replied, feeling a grin spreading on my face. ‘I can’t believe that trick still works.’
‘Well believe it, because we have a job.’ He wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I rested my head against him and we sat in peaceful silence for a while.

Citaat:

‘What do you think about getting back to the ship? We have a lot to do tomorrow morning before we leave.’
I looked up at him and nodded. We walked out of the bar and into the cold night. On the street the sea wind was blowing over the docks, past the closed, silent warehouses and the crowded bars. We walked up the plank onto the ship where it was a quite night. Two men were standing guard and inside the captain’s quarter the first mate was seated at the table, a dog at his feet and a bottle of rum in his hand.
‘That’s it for tonight, mate’ August said to him.
‘Thank you, cap’n. It was a quite night, no problems’ he reported back before taking his bottle of rum and leaving the quarters. I could hear him talking to the two young guards outside, before he went downstairs into the belly of the ship to sleep. I sat down next to the little dog who looked up to me with sleepy eyes. I picked it up and cuddled it in my arms and when I looked up August was looking at me from the other side of the room with a smirk on his face.
‘That little thing doesn’t look like it belongs on my ship, love.’
I knew he was just pretending not to like the little dog, because he had to be the big boss around here, but even the captain of a ship could not resist a cute, grey puppy. And I could play this game to. ‘He is going to grow up to be the best ship dog there is. I’m sure about it August.’
He smiled at me. It was supposed to mock me, but I good see a genuine kindness and softness in his eyes. ‘If you say so, love. We will see. For now, let’s get to bed, because we have a long day ahead of us and I’m not sure if you still have seal eggs. You better have a good night sleep.’ He went downstairs, leaving me with the puppy in my arms to bring it down, but suddenly I got nervous. We spent a year apart and broke tings off. Being back felt like coming home and thing getting back to normal, but it also went very fast. I did not have time to think about it. Was I doing the right thing? What if it went wrong again? I would not forgive myself if that happened. Was I making a mistake or did I do the right thing. With all my thinking I did not hear August coming back up the stairs.
‘Love? Are you coming?’ He asked, waiting at the top of the stairs.
I was taken aback by his presence in the room and started to panic. I did not want to show my insecurity to him at a time like this, but my mouth did not follow my brain and before I knew it I was talking. ‘I don’t know. What are we doing?’
August just took a moment to look at me. I could feel that the panic showed in my face, my arms pressing the dog against my chest like it was my safety line. And if I am honest he looked a little taken back. ‘I thought we were going to bed, but I am not sure about you, because you are still standing here.’
‘August’ I almost pleaded, ‘I like big back with you, but what if history repeats itself. I don’t want to leave again.’
He walk towards me and softly let his finger trace my cheek. ‘It won’t happen again. This time is different. We learned from before, didn’t we?’
I let the words sink in for bit before I leaned in to his hind as a form of conformation. It might not be like normal people do this, but it was good. August felt my movement and wrapped his arms carefully around me, without harming the little dog in my arms. I did not know if we learned everything there was to learn from last time. We messed up and there was no denying it. We loved and hated each other and being mostly on the sea in close proximity to each other did not really help, but the real problem was maybe our stubbornness relating to the business matters. I knew he took some not-so-legal jobs without telling me because he knew I would disagree. When I found out I confronted him and he refused to say he had illegal cargo on board. I can see now that he only took the job to survive. This is a big ship, with a lot of crew member who all need a salary and we all need to eat, but not telling me about the cargo was the worst he could do, but I also would be angry if he did tell me. And then things might got even worst. It wasn’t that I never did anything illegal; there was the fishermen incident after all, but shipping illegal cargo was on a whole new level. Looking back at it, it made sense and maybe we both did learn from before. We were older and a little wiser, but it still was a gamble of some sorts.
‘I don’t want to lose you again’ came my muffled voice from somewhere near his shoulder where my head was leaning against him.
He loosened his grip a little to look at me. ‘I can’t predict the future. All I know is that we left the bad things behind us and that we are ready for a new, clean start. Now come to bed and sleep. Standing here and being scared about the future and what can happen in it isn’t going to help anyone.’
I followed him downstairs where I put the dong on the end of the bed. August dropped his coat and hat on the chair and started to unbutton his shirt. I left my head on the table and followed his example. Our trousers wen over the chairs and our boots next to the bed, so we could get to them easily if something happened during the night and we had to get out in hurry. It was all a familiar routine and I felt comfortable enough to look at him. His body was like I remembered it. Defined, but lean muscles and a clearly visible tan line at his neck and wrists. He gave me a quick smile when I caught me looking.
‘Like what you see?’ He asked.
I felt a light blush on my cheeks, but did not look away. ‘You did not change one bit.’
‘Can’t say the same about you, love. You lost weight on land.’
I looked down at my own body and could not agree more. My ribs and hipbones were clearly visible. ‘I know. That is what it does to you. Long days of travelling and not enough food.’
‘That will change soon. You are back on the ship as a captain’s companion, so it’s only the good food for you.’
I knew August was right and I was glad because I did not like how I looked. It was good enough when you travelled on your own, but being with August again made me more aware of how I looked. August grabbed a clean shirt from the bed and gave I got there, so I could wear it for the night. Then he pulled open the covers and got into bed. I followed soon after and he wrapped his arms around so I could rest my head on his chest. Finally I stopped worrying about myself and the future. I did not take long before I was fast asleep.

The next morning I woke up alone. It took me a second to realize where I was and then I remembered yesterday. The ride to the city, meeting August, the night at the bar and my pathetic panic attack before we went to sleep. I felt more relaxed and calm then yesterday and I felt like I overreacted, but maybe it was just the long day that got me. I had no real time to process what was happening, but after a night of sleep everything felt better. I got dressed and went upstairs to find August at the table feeding the little puppy on his lap pieces of ham.
‘I see you made a new friend when I was still asleep.’
August looked up in surprise and he looked like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. ‘He kept whining. What was I supposed to do?’
His comeback sounded so defensive that it only made it funnier for me. The captain lf a big ship, feeding small slices of meat to a tiny grey dog which was sitting on his lap.
‘Well, I’m glad he had his breakfast.’ I said. Taking the puppy from his lap. I sat down next to him and the puppy curled up on my lap to have his after breakfast nap.

Citaat:

August pushed the plate with the leftover bread and ham towards me before standing up to fetch me a drink for my breakfast. I knew alcohol in any way or form kept the men, and their captain, happy. August told me tales about ship were they ran out of hooch. Lets say, those stories never ended well for the captain. And as companion of the captain I was no stranger to the drinks they use to pickle themselves with. In this case it was a grog. A mix of water, lemon and rum; the last one being a personal favourite of mine. I took a sip and smiled at him.
‘You know what I like’ I complimented him.
‘I never forget. You are a women of the sea, even in your taste of liquor.’ He winked at me.
I just gave him another small smile, not giving him the pleasure of me vocally agreeing with him, even if it was possibly true and started with my breakfast.
‘Most of the cargo is already on board, only the shipment of our dear brothers of yesterday and some last minute food supplies are left to be loaded.’ It was a short, captain like briefing, but it did not hide the flirtatious twinkle in his eyes from our small conversation from just seconds before.
‘Sounds we are almost ready to go. Let me finish my breakfast and I will see what I can do to help, I know your Quarter Master has seen me, but I’m not sure about the rest of your crew. I might need to find my place again if there were a lot of changes is men.’
‘We had some changes, but the old crew is still here. We have a handful of new cabin boy’s out of this port. I’m not sure what is going on here, but those young ones want to be on the sea. Some of them aren’t even 12 years old.’ He stopped to take a deep breath. ‘Well, if they want it, they can have it. I always can use a boy or 2 extra on this ship.’
I just watched him go on about the crew and the cabin boy’s. This were the matters of importance on a ship. Not if you would have a place to sleep for the night or if you would get out of a forest if you were lost. Those were the things I worried about the last years, but these were the matters I would be confronted about from now on again and it felt good. Even on a ship you lived by the day, but at least you had a goal; a port to reach. On land the only thing I had was time and freedom to go where I wanted. That might sound perfect, but it does not give life any meaning or direction.
‘I will keep an eye on them if it is necessary’ I offered him between chewing.
‘We will see how it goes when we are out on sea, but they might need a monkey mother’ he teased.
I kept chewing, but gave him a look that said he should stop talking. ‘We will see’ I echoed back.
From outside came a knock on the door and August said: ‘come in!’
It was the Quarter Master. ‘the good arrived Cap’n.’
‘Finally’ August said. ‘Time for loading them.’ He walked behind the Quarter Master onto the deck.

I finished my breakfast and drink before slowly lifting the dog from my lap and putting it in a corner, where it opened his eyes a bit, before settling down and falling asleep again. The sound coming trough the double doors of the quarter gave away exactly what was going on. Men shouting. the sound of barrels connecting with the wooden floor inside of the ship when they were put down and the sounds of a dozen feet on the deck. I cleaned up the table before going opening the doors and going outside where with ropes crates and barrels were heaved up into the air, so they could be loaded into the belly of the ship. August was standing in the middle of the organised chaos giving directions to prevent people getting hurt, or goods getting damaged in the process. It might not seem like it, but loading a ship like this is a relatively dangerous process. Everything has to be pulled up with ropes, before swinging to the right place and lowered down in the ship. In this process a lot can go wrong, but for now, on this ship, everything went well. I walked up to August who wrapped his arm around my waist, without acknowledging me in any other way, but for everyone around it was clear as day who I was. Or at least, I hoped it was. I was surprised before how ignorant some of the men on the ship were, but on the other hand, the only world they really knew was the one on the ship and in the ports they visited. Wen they were on land the only women they would encounter would be from as special type. The type for who a night with a sailor was enough. It might seems cheap, but most of those women came out of a same relationship. Their mother being a bar girl and their father an unnamed sailor who was never seen again or if they were lucky a rumour of a night with the captain. They grew up in towns that lived from sailor and ships, so they could not help it. If they were lucky they had jobs behind the bar or in a local shops and their nights would be in the shady sailor bars, like the one we visited just the night before. These women can be seen as cheap, but for me they were a vital part of life on a ship. A men that makes the choice to live their life on sea are not the ones for a stable relationship with one woman. That does not mean they do not want or need female contact, on the contrary, sailors worked hard in harsh conditions and a night of female comfort always did them good, besides enough alcoholic beverages of course. For me they made the whole environment of the town with there big hair, too revealing dresses and the eyes rounded with dark kohl. And again I was reminded how I felt good with life on a ship. In my overthinking August delegated the last barrels into the ship while the rest of the crew started to do their normal jobs again. The boatswain started to instruct the mates, sailors and riggers, who started giving commands to the younger boys on the ship, while the quarter master and sailing master retreated to the captain’s quarter to decide on the best route. It was almost time to go. August and I wanted for the last barrel to be in its place before leading me up the stairs near the quarter deck. Some riggers already were lowering the main sail above our head, but they were high up in the masts of the ship, so or now we had relative privacy, which August made use of almost directly by wrapping both his arms around my waist, so I could lean back against his chest.
‘Almost time to get out of this place, love. Time for the sea.’
I smiled. ‘I can’t wait.’ From below I heard the doors open and both men came out of the quarter again. ‘I think it’s time for you to go over the plans, Captain’. I said slightly with a mockingly voice.
A soft kiss fell on my hair, before he removed his arm and went downstairs to discuss navigation with the two other men. I was left where I was, looking over the ship. My mind went to the sea, with the waves rolling under the ship and the wind pushing in the sail, the strong hands pulling on ropes and salt on sun burnt faces. Dark clouds of coming storms and blue windless skies above endless water, no land in view. I could feel excitement vibrating in my body and a clarity in my mind I did not have for months. It might be the wind or the light, the salt or the water, what it was I did not know, but I knew I missed it and I needed it. My eye fell on a boy who tried to tie a big rope, but just struggled with it and not making much progress, while one of the sailors shouted at him that he was useless, which was not helping. I walked down the stairs, to the boy, who could not be much older than the boys August described at breakfast.
‘Can I help you with anything?’
He looked up at me with big terrified eyes. ‘Maybe...’ he said with a small voice.
‘Let me show you how it works.’ I put my hands on the rope and in a few simple moves the rope was attached to the ship.
‘Thank you miss’ the boy said with a small voice and started to back away.
‘Wait..!’ I was not letting him go this easily, he had to learn after all.
He stopped moving and looked up again.
‘You need to learn to do this, or you will never be able to work on this ship. Now, did you see how I did it?’
The boy just nodded yes, no word came out of him.
‘Good.’ I untied the rope and gave it to him. ‘Now it’s your turn.’
He still struggled a bit with the rope, but he managed to secure it.
'Well done. Now tell me, what's your name boy?'
‘They call me Fletch around here.’ He shrugged his shoulders indifferently.
It was common for sailors to have a nickname and most of them were short, which was convenient on a ship, but I was always curious what the real name was of men on the ship. ‘And the one your mother gave you?’
He looked surprised at that question. ‘Morgan Fletcher, miss.’
‘Well Morgan, if you need help again, you can just ask me, okay?’
‘Yes miss’ he said and he walked away.
‘Well, well, you are becoming the monkey mother faster then I expected’ came from behind me.
I turned around and saw August standing in the open doors of his quarter. ‘Just taking care of that we actually can sail out without problems.’
‘If you say so, love.’ His grin was far away from the indifference of his words.
‘It is’ was the only defence I had, because if I was honest to myself, he had a point, even if I did not really like it.

Citaat:

‘I assume we are going soon?’
‘Yes, we decided on a course. It might be a good idea for you to stay with that little dog of yours inside when we sail out. It is awake.’
‘It has a name, remember.’
‘Name, or no name, I don’t know how his sea legs are.’ He still not called it by his name. Being back to the big pirate boss he was supposed to be, instead of the man feeding small pieces of ham to a little dog.
‘I will keep an eye on him.’ I went into the quarter, but not before giving August a peck on his cheek, visable for all men on the deck.
Inside the little dog was sniffing around under the table, probably looking for some breakfast leftovers that I might have missed earlier. I went to sit on my knees next to the table and his attention went immediatly to me. His ears went forward when he lifted his head and he came walking to me, so I could pick him up. ‘Hello their, little guy.’ I cuddled him in my arm while standing up and sat down on one of the chairs around the wooden table. From outside the sound of sail being hoisted and roped being detached and reatached was the sound that made the exitement rushing through my vains. It was time to go!

A while later, after manouvering out of the harbour, I could feel the soft rythm of the waves rolling under the ship, while a rolled up bundle of grey fur was sleeping in my arms. The little dog had no problems with the movement and behaved perfectly. I stood up and went downstairs where the dog could sleep more peacefully then upstairs. When I was downstairs my memories went back to last night. The moment of panic when August left was a moment of realisation what I was doing, which until still grew on me. The letter was a katalist and I did not have time to think about what would happen. August was a lovely man with which I spent a year of my live with, but we had our difficulties and things went wrong. I was young, I am still young, but for some reason it felt like I have grown during my year away. Maybe, this time was different. It all felt very good at the moment, but it was all the beginning of a new story. August and I both had our own values and his were the one of a sailor who needs to keep his crew alive and happy and then there was me. I had a bit of a different story.

I was born into an aristocratic family and was the only daughter; their precious golden girl who needed to impress others. From a young age I had personal teacher to teach me how to play the piano, but also more general knowledge I needed to impress other people for my parents. They gave me the most beautiful dresses and best toys, but to get those I had to come in the room when they had dinner parties, smile, play the piano for the guest and talk like I was a brilliant girl with more knowledge than other girls of my age; than other daughters of the guests. I needed to be the best possible partner for all the sons of other aristocrats. Marriage for my parents was about ensuring the safety of the family in their eyes. It was a way to expand what they own: land, houses, money and power. I remember a day when I was around 9 when one of the maid came into my room where I was sitting at a little table where I was having a tea party with my 2 dolls, like they teached me to do.
‘Your mother asked for you to visit her in the garden, Miss Fiona.’
I looked up form where I was playing. ‘Why?’ I asked her.
‘I do not ask when she gives me an order, miss. That is not my place.’
‘Okay. I will come then.’ I stood up from the little chair I was sitting on, which was a bit of a task, because of the dress I wearing with its many layers and the tight corset, but I eventually managed it. The maid kept the door open for me and kept walking behind me when I went down the corridor outside my room and down the big stairs into the main hallway. It was a little walk from there to the back of the house which connected with the garden where my mother was sitting in her chair with a tray of tea next to her. I walked out of the opened doors while the maid stood back.
‘You requested my presence mother?’ I knew she already seen me and the maid walking up to her, but as a lady in her position it was her choice when and who she would give attention in this house, of my father of course.
‘Yes, I did indeed.’ She gestured to the maid that she could go. ‘I wanted to talk about our upcoming dinner in 3 days. I made all the plans with the cook and the maids already, but you need instructions to.
I knew what was coming. It was the same with all their dinners when I had to show up. Smile, be nice, smile and do what you are told. ‘Yes, mother.’
‘There are some potential marriage candidates coming for you, so I want you at dinner the whole time, so you can show them that you are better than the rest of the girls. This is very important for our future.’ She sounded stern.
I just was confused and did not feel like doing this at all. I already did not like to show off at normal parties, but sitting at the table the whole evening with all the other people sounded even worse and I was ready to speak my mind. ‘I do not want to. I do not like to sit at the table the whole evening.’
The look my mother gave me when I said this made me feel even smaller than I was. ‘You stupid little girl, this is not about what you like. This is about our future and to find you the best partner to marry. Never speak to me like that again or I will need to punish you.’
I looked at my feet and did not speak.
‘You are now old enough to start to look for a good family you can marry into, so we have enough time to discuss the dowry and other important matters.’
‘Yes mother’ was the only thing I mumbled, still looking at my feet.
‘Do not mumble’ she said annoyed. ‘People need to be able to hear what you say.’
‘Yes mother’ I said now more loudly.
‘And stand up straight.’
‘Yes mother.’ I straightened my back, but was still too scared to look at her face.
‘Now’ she said. ‘Go back to your room. I will be there later today so I can look at some new dresses for the party. You have to look your absolute best.’
I shuffled back inside and went to my room to finish my tea party, but in my stomach I could feel the worry of the upcoming event. I never liked the dresses, but when my mother said I had to look the absolute best, that could only mean more uncomfortable clothes and painful hair dressing. This came true a couple of days later when the actual party was there. The whole day was spent on dressing up, maids running through the house for the last preparations, cooks working in the kitchen to prepare the best meal with the most ingredients and courses they ever had to do. My father was delegating the staff downstairs, while my mother was upstairs shouting at the maids who had to dress us. That evening it was even worse. The problem was not sitting the whole evening at the table, but it was the age of the potential men my parents invited. They were all around 14 years old. While my parents were praising me like they never had before, they just looked bored and annoyed at their parents next to them. I had to walk up and down, play piano, dance for them and recite poems I knew. The eye of my mother was constantly moving between her guests and me, to make sure I was doing and looking like she wanted it. I survived the party, but it was a turning point in my life. I did not want to get married with one of those boys and my urge to stand up against my parents for the next 7 years resulted in a lot of arguments, fights and corporal punishment form my mother and father. At the age of 16 I not only was angry and scared, I was done. I was at the age that it was time to get married and my parents found a partner. It was one of the boys at the dinner party all those years ago. Our families worked out all the money and politics behind this marriage and it was almost time. The moment my parents told me it was time to arrange the situation where he could ask me to marry him, was the moment I was done. I feared for it for years, I fought my parents all those years with everything I had, but all the punishment left not only physical scars that held my spirit back. All together it raised my panic to a level where the only thing I still could do was run away.