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blonds have more sex, not fun schreef:

In a groundbreaking study recently published by the Mayo Clinic and Johns Hopkins, scientists have discovered that while blondes have nearly 380% more sex (of all kinds) than other color haired people, they do not, in fact, have more fun. In fact, they do not even have more sexual fun, achieving orgasm in a statistical dead heat with brunettes, redheads, and even Goth and punk dye jobs. This is a myth, however, that blondes are loathe to give up.

Arli Chaperson, an artificial blond from Venice Beach, California, insists that blondes have more fun. “Oh yeah, we get invited to all the parties,” says Arli. “We blond guys get all the chicks, get invited to three- and fourways, and people just throw booze and drugs at us. Why, just last week I woke up facedown in a pan full of blow. You tell me that isn’t ‘more fun.’”

Even within the blonde world, however, there is dissention. Christina Orange, of Panama City, Florida, insists, “[that] it takes a natural blonde to have more fun. These posers who just dye their hair blonde and act like blondes are just that – posers. There’s a special aura that follows true blondes everywhere we go. It exudes fun and radiates sex. When I’m with yet another man, he’s going to want to look at my well shaven private area and see blonde, not roots, you know?”

The Mayo Clinic / Johns Hopkins report broke down “fun” along sexual lines, as that is commonly what blondes are referring to when they speak of “fun.” They discovered that blondes were ten times more likely to consent to giving fellatio than were their brunette, redhead, or dye-headed sisters (or brothers, as the creepy case may be). They were seven times more likely to engage in “doggy-style” sex, and five times as likely to do it in some kind of spectacular manner, such as in a public place or swinging from a specially-built trapeze.

However, the study also showed that they only achieved orgasm at a rate on par with other colored heads. However, they faked orgasm eight times as often as other colors. “This is significant,” says psychologist Dr. Rupert Hathaway. “It tells us that the blonde is willing to sacrifice his or her pleasure for the sexual gratification of their partner, something that is seen to be a bit more ‘stingy,’ if you will, in other hair colors.”


Still, blondes across the nation are insisting that they have more fun. “Sex isn’t the only kind of fun,” says Kimberly Jackson, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. “We engage in lesser known types of fun all the time. Why, just last weekend, my current boyfriend – of two weeks, this could be serious [she gasped] – took me miniature golfing. That’s right, miniature golfing. You tell me that’s not fun. After we finished miniature golfing, we grabbed a slice of pizza and went bowling. Bowling. I got a new pair of shoes and everything.”

Further, the study showed that blondes are twice as likely to wake up in an alley in a pool of their own vomit, with their skirts around their ankles and a vague recollection of a wild night of partying at the local pub. They are also three times as likely to cheat on their “significant others” for purely sexual reasons. The women were shown to be four times as likely to find themselves knocked up because they didn’t believe in using protection.

Clearly, additional research needs to be done in the field of blonde funning. I think that I speak for all of Glossy News when I suggest that we act as the brunette control group. We’re brunettes, and we have just as much fun (but not as much sex).

LiNdA1986 schreef:

whahaha volgens mij is die tekst ook complete bullsh*t