The mare's secret code of honor is as old as horses themselves and is
ultimately the species best kept secret. No mare shall ever produce a foal
before it's time. (It's time being determined by the following factors):
1. No foal shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all
involved. Your house must be a wreck, your family hungry and desperate for
clean clothes, and your social life nonexistent.
2 .Midwives must reach the babbling fool status before you foal out.
Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to form a sentence mean
you're getting close.
3. For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach to you, foaling
must be delayed by at least one day for each item.
4. Vet check, add a day, internal add three. If you hear the words, "She's
nowhere near ready. You'll be fine while I'm away for the weekend," Wait 12
to 16 hours and pop that baby out!
5. Owner stress must be at an all time high! If you are in the care of
someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign you're getting
close. When you hear the words "I can't take it anymore!" wait three days
and produce a foal.
6. You must keep this waiting game interesting. False alarms are necessary!
Little teasers such as looking at your stomach, pushing your food around in
the bucket and then walking away from it are always good for a rise. Be
creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those
who wait.
7. The honor of all horses is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge
all of your stable mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly
costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. OH,
they made him do tricks too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings, the
dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings can also be avenged at this
time.
8. If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to
have this foal, listen to the weather forecast on the radio that has been so
generously provided by those who wait. Severe storm warning is what you're
waiting for. In the heart of the storm jump into action! The power could go
out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who
wait missing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works!
9. Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time
someone comes into the stable to check you. Your stable mates will love you
as the extra goodies fall theirway too.
10. Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind man of how truly
special horses are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a beautiful
filly to carry on the mare code of honor for the next generation of those
who wait!
